I have spent this entire year in battle in an invisible war, the enemy has attacked my flesh, my financies, and my relationships. I spent my entire pregnancy sick and lost my job three times, first the week I found out I was pregnant, second the end of my first trimester and third the day I went in labor. I used up all my savings four months ago and was denied unemployment because my employer told them I voluntary quit with no notice. Everything I one, worked for, and two felt entitled to because of my hardwork was stripped and I know it was to show me what I am putting my trust in, myself, this system, or God. Asking for daily bread should be so easy like my child running up to me and saying momma Im hungry, but when following the Lord the spiritual realm can be quite reverse, there is breaking down required to be fully dependent on Him and its countertintuitive of our mindset, which has put me at war with myself. The enemy wants me to feel angry and frustrated as he whispers you may have a masters but youre still worthless. My humanness tells me to go get it out the mud if I have to and my spirit tells me to sit still and know that He is Lord. Forgive me for my humanness. Forgive me that I wrestle with the One who is actually for me. I dont know how to be weak because I have never been able to be. He keeps telling me prove Him and cast myself onto Him but do yall know how much faith it takes to trust that someone will be there to catch your fall. I am used to pressure, I am not used to freedom.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Dec 2014 03:32:37 +0000
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