I have thoughts Id like to share. So I am going to poor my heart out this morning. I cant sleep and my mind is racing. I have so much to say and it needs to be shared. First: I love my husband. With every fiber of my being, even thru all the crap. 20 years now, we have been together. Im not the same person I was at 15 and neither is he, but we have learned to grow together and except each others faults and to love each other even when times get hard. We work around our problems and trust in our selves to believe in our family and the home we have built .... trust me it has gotten hard at times. Tim is an amazing man. He provides for his family, is an amazing father and yes an awesome husband, most of the time. Hes even trying to be more romantic. Its sweet. Im saying this because I feel that I needed to give my husband props. I never thought he would understand or try to understand my need to find myself. He fell in love with who I was, before kids and yes, has loved me sense but my life after having kids is all about them. No US, No ME. Hell I cant tell you the last time Ive baught clothes for myself and thats only a small part of it. My familys wellbeing and happiness is all that matters to me, everyday! Thats what a mother is. Ive given myself to them but lost me somewhere. I will always be there for them. Now Im not trying to scare anyone. Im just telling part of my story and whats coming next. I have been feeling sharp pains in my left arm for some time now. Im afraid my heart may give out if I dont change, fast. Ill tell you why Im saying this .... I weight 296.8 pounds. Im a big girl and I HATE IT. Now I dont eat sugar of any kind cause I get sick off sweet anything, my stomach cant handle it. So when you look at me, u might want to say just stop eating so much! Well I dont eat very much at all. Im always going, cleaning, gardening, cooking to feed someone, running kids to appointments, or practice. Tim doesnt do these things I do, But I dont eat. My biggest meal is dinner. Yes, I know not good. I calculated my intake for two weeks and it came to bout 1200 calories a day and yet Im this big. My thyroid is good, so thats not it. I just keep getting bigger and bigger. As I do, I get tired easy. A friend says genetics. Well f*** genetics!! This is ridiculous. Ive done so many diets that my husband demanded that I stop. Mind you I lost some weight but I could never keep it off. Im desperate for change, something, anything. I know so many wonderful women who have had amazing results with Omni and I want that. I need that for myself and my family. Im hoping to also find myself again. If you dont know me very well. I love art!! All kinds of art. I want to go back to school in the worst way just to learn more. I also love helping people with everything and anything. Ill give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. Muffin top and all. I will help friends or family in anyway I possibly can without question, as long as my kids doesnt suffer. That is the only exception. I love, love helping family and my friends. Im blessed to be asked to throw a baby shower for my friend Destiny Krum and her man David. Im ecstatic about it. Its going to be soooo much fun. I dont want to let them down. Love u sweetie! This is part of who I am. This is who I want to continue to be but I cant do it being this heavy. Im miserable! My legs, hips and feet are killing me at the end of the day. Tim and my son Logan message my feet almost every night but it isnt far to them. Bless them, but still. I cant ride bikes with my family, Play baseball, or running, hiking, walking, jumping, etc.... total nightmare. I try but they end up worrying about me. Im in pain or out of breath. Its just awful. Not what I wish for my children to see and remember me like that. I never thought Id be the fat mamma. I was so athletic and strong, I could take on ....anything and run for miles. I could do pullups like no tomorrow. Im still strong just not fit. Dont take me the wrong way. I dont blame my kids. They are my life. I never want to be without them. My body just decided without me that I needed more of me and slowed down. I dont want that!! I need to keep up with my kids. I want to do things with them instead of just watch. That was never me..... but it forced now. Ive decided to make a page of my life struggles and how Omni may help me to make that change. With the help of my omni friends and sponsor Jennifer Van Vynck I hope to get it right this time. Nikki Nachtsheim and Jodi Burbank are also a great inspiration to me. Ladies your amazing and so happy for you. Ive been thinking a lot about the small changes I need to make like no more wine and I can totally do that. This is again for my family and myself. They need me. I need them and I dont just mean my husband and kids. I need my entire family. I love my family weather we talk everyday, only once in a wile or thru text, I love you all. Yes, that means my husbands side. Im very close to my in-laws and extended family and even tho we dont talk everyday, I consider you a blessing in my life. I wouldnt be the woman that I am without my mother in-law, Rosalie Koetje. She is the strongest, most kind hearted, giving woman I know. She taught me how to live each day to the fullest and to cook with your heart. My mom, Betty Etienne god bless her doesnt cook much but she is forever my heart, strength and I love and miss her soooo much. Shes such a gentle, peasant soul. I wish she could visit more often. I remember grilled cheese and pork chops mostly growing up she is funny and some of the things I show her when I cook throws her off. I love to teacher her about art, oils, plants and the way we live. My sister, Sabrina is so brave despite how Ive always thought of her as my baby sister. Fragile Ive always felt like I needed to protect her because shes so small but she has proven to be the bravest woman I know. She is raising her daughter Vionna on her own with no help but having our mother watch Vionna after school. She moved to another state for her daughter all to make sure Vionna had a small town, close to family upbringing she needed. No more day care for Vionna. My sister did that for her daughter and Sabrina works so hard to provide for that little girl. I hope Vionna will see and understand the sacrifices her mother has done for her one day. My husbands family are farmers, all country. Make due with what you have and make it work. Family and food is the center of every gathering and its always wonderful. We laugh, play games and really enjoy each others company. I really enjoy the holidays and family picnics. Its a chance to catch up in our crazy lives. Ive learned a lot and still learn from this amazing Koetje family. Julie Warren, my sister inlaw, is an amazing wife, sister, friend, mother and naturalist. She will go far in life. She has that ability and strength to do so and the amazing husband to not only back her but work together as the great team that they are. Im so happy Julie found the love of her life and we are blessed to have him. My nieces are another example of family, marriage and the ability to achieve what goals you set for yourself. Colby Renee, Lindsey Jo Hottel, Tyler Inboden. Thank you for sharing your lives with me, us. Your are indeed a added blessing. I never thought I would be an aunt as early as I was, but I hope I was and will be able to gave you the attention and love that you want from me. Also, know that we, yes Im speaking for my family love you all and will always be here for you even if we hardly ever talk. My nephew has shown that he is indeed the brain. The way his mind works is like no other. He is so smart that he can go anywhere, do anything he wishes. I hope and pray he does just that. Riley Ofwgkta Doering you have made your family proud. You will achieve everything you sets your mind to, no doubt. We love you very much and will always be here, again even if we dont call or text often. We will be here. :) My father Kurt Etienne God, please bless him. He calls me twice a day and even tho I do get annoyed at times, I do look forward to his calls. He has a heart of gold and if you asked he would give you the jacket off his back and his last dollar. He is a true loving broken heart, but Im hoping with his new girlfriend it will be on the mend. Hes made his mistakes, he has his problems but you can believe Ill be there to back him. I love him oh, so dearly and am looking forward to seeing him start a new chapter and smile. Im blessed with a great family! No matter there defences, blood or not. If I call you friend, family your stuck with me. Im loyal to the end and even if my body isnt strong my will is. I will be all that God allows me to be and even then Ill push it. My heart has always been out there. I care for so many and Im willing to do all that I can for you all. My grandmother Vivian once called me the heart of our family Etienne family, because she thought I would keep in touch with everyone but Im afraid I havent lived up to that. Ive broken fun nights with my cousin Travis just because I thought he was to far and I havent spoken to my aunts, uncles, or cousins enough. I havent stayed in touch with The Larson side, other then facebook. Im sorry family we will need to plan a reunion and not because a family member has passed. We need to stay in touch. Our grandparents, moms and dads would want that. I miss your company and have enjoyed the times we have spent together. Family is what you make it. We all are a family. WE NEED TOO remember to stay that way!! Thank you for reading my,......well my mind this morning. I couldnt sleep. I am all heart and my mind is its own, i guess. God Bless you all!!!
Posted on: Tue, 20 May 2014 08:44:59 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015