I heard a study that said that millions of people worldwide suffer with depression. For 15 years I was one of them. To many of my friends that probably comes as a shock because I was always the funny dude cutting up. So I got good at covering it up. Its how I coped with it. Im 49 now...about the time I was 15 was the first time I remember depression smacking me down. No clue as to why it hit me...none...my parents are good folks...a friend of mine seems to think the devil always tries to snuff out the bright ones...uh thanks...I aint that bright...oh you meant the bright lights in life...uh okay...now I get it. My struggle with depression lasted until I was in my early 30s. I am not embarassed to admit it and the stigma attached to depression and mental illness is killing people. Not something I am willing to standby and ignore. For me I am convinced my depression was both chemical imbalance and spiritual as well as me not standing up for myself. I am not a doctor I am just a dude has been there and seen the darkness and faced it. In 1995 at the age of 30 I had what can only be described as a total nervous breakdown from thoughts of suicide and overwhelming depression and anxiety...life just got me and I let it tear me up...I wound up in the hospital...I spent about three weeks in the hospital dealing with this mess that is depression and suicidal thoughts. I spent three weeks in the hospital with a roommate with a bullethole in his chest. Country boy had attempted to commit suicide and pulled the trigger and apparently put the gun on the wrong side of his chest....he was only alive because he skipped anatomy class. Two of the greatest people God ever put in my life were two of my therapists...two country women...one by the name of Pat and the other by the name of Gloria...Pats message to me plain and simple was Tom Dees, you are too nice of a guy in life...you need to be a bigger A--hole to people when you need to be. Glorias words of wisdom that have stuck with me for the last 19 years are Tom Dees aint a damn thing wrong with you, its the rest of the world thats screwed up. I have my own theories on my depression and struggle with suicidal thoughts for 15 years...I lost one of my grandfathers to suicide ...I am almost convinced there must be some genetic predisposition of some sort because I have a lot of family who have dealt with it. I am convinced that you can beat depression. Im proof of that. My bad days were horribly dark with almost like a cloud sitting in my vision and thoughts of taking my own life I am way beyond that these days and if you struggle like I did...I dont have the answer for anyone but myself. I do know that a therapist and medicine got me out of a hell of my own and on the right track....I dont need the medicine or the therapy anymore...I still fight the depression from time to time but I journal alot...I write down what bugs me....I pray alot and I exercise...martial arts is my way of dealing. I punch the snot out of some depression. The suicide of Robin Williams bothered me a lot. He was one of my favorite comedians. Having dealt with the same thoughts he had. His death brought me to tears. Had depression gotten the better of me almost two decades ago I would have never known my children. I wouldnt have been around to win my Emmys and I never would have become a blackbelt. These days I try to live with the attitude that life is good even when it is bad. I am unashamed to tell you that you matter and you have to stay in the fight no matter how rough it gets because as soon as you pull through that darkness its gonna get unimagineably bright. Peace....Love ya...Tom
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 04:22:59 +0000
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