I just wanted to say that I love and appreciate all of your thoughts, prayers, and contact during this incredibly difficult time. I am so heartbroken over Lukes choices and just dont understand. I keep asking why and how this happened when he has so much love, support, intelligence, financial security, therapy, rehabilitation, and options available to him. I may never understand it. I feel guilty some days and cry over and over and other days I am so angry with him that I want to throw bricks. I know he made his own choices and he was raised with different values and discipline than he is choosing now. I look at his baby pictures and see an adorable little boy with blond hair and big eyes and so much love inside him. He is still my little Luke Duke who fell asleep to Barney songs and Goodnight Moon. I replay those songs and books we would sing over and over, those trips to the park and playgroup; those fat fingers wrapped around chicken nuggets from (Gasp!) McDonalds (gross!), the little boy on the soccer field in a shirt that looks like a dress, the kid with sunburn and freckles playing on the beach in Puerto Rico or riding in the golf cart and asking to drive in Palmas Del Mar; the little boy who wanted homework to do because his big sister had some; the kid crying in SC because he was cold on the one day of the year it snowed (everyone else was out there in doubled-up jeans just making the best of it!); the kid whose picture I took when he got his first paycheck in Colorado for using his skills of charm and wit to sell paint jobs; that kid who actually liked going to the Goodwill with his mom and would spend his Saturdays with me shopping, having lunch, watching chick flicks that he really liked, and eating beef lo mein without veggies; and those memories are so much that they overflow. He went down the wrong path somewhere and made some bad choices and was embracing the wrong people and values. I will always be his mom. Any any of you that are parents know that we love our kids through thick and thin. We love them when they are making us proud and we love them when they are breaking our hearts. That love never changes despite circumstance, despite distance, despite time. I have heard eighty year old people refer to their 60 year old kids as their babies. I feel the same way. Luke, Charlie, and Katherine will always be my babies no matter how old they are. I may not always agree with their choices and embrace their options in life but they will NEVER do anything to make me stop loving them, praying for them, and always rooting for them. NOTHING will change that. I just wanted to thank everyone for their support and love and prayers. I will never give up on my son and never stop praying for his conversion to choices that will reflect who he really is. My good friend Fred Frederick A. Smith shared this with me today. It has caused me to cry for so many reasons. Mostly I wanted to share it with my friends here so that you never stop knowing that there is Someone who is there for us all the time and who has our back when we dont even have our own. God is the answer. Please keep your faith strong. I am trying. https://youtube/watch?v=7xFXMpQUqyA
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 15:50:29 +0000
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