I kinda wanna say something...its really meant for those of you who have never experienced the concept of suicide as a bone fide answer to some profound questions... there are those of us who have lived with this possibility for a long time, for me, the first desires came as a willingness to take on other childs terminal illness so they, who seemed so eager to stay alive, could...I was 10 when I was thinking that way. By 12 I realized I could take my own life...its a constant reality in my mind...at 21 I was hospitalized, not really for an attempt (because I dont ATTEMPT anything, I DO shit) but for failure to promise to a college councilor that I would NOT kill myself before our next session. I also dont like to make promises I cant keep. You can be a happy, well-adjusted, contributing member of society and STILL have suicidal ideations. For me, at least once a day, I try to think of the most creative way to off myself, sometimes the most absurd thing I can think of. Now, at 42, my personal suicide ideation is a lifelong companion, friend, and intimate. In fact, its the REALITY that I could choose to do that at any minute that gives me the energy and strength to continue to trudge though this amazing place we all call home. Be surprised if I kill myself tomorrow, but dont be surprised if that is how I go out when I decide my time here is done. It is a pure act of will. While I would have enjoyed watching Robin Williams future projects, and I can tell myself that he had many more years in which to create, I cant know that for sure and I would not take that choice away from him. It was his choice, and as such, I have respect for it. Also, you posers who use suicide threats to garner sympathy and manipulate the emotions of others, feel free to hit me up, Ill keep telling you what you dont want to hear Why arent you killing yourself? If you are going to, go do it already.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 01:08:54 +0000
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