I knew the day would come and finally it has arrived. That dreaded day when my youngest son would discover and even verbalize the discomfort of being an adopted black boy in a white family. For a while now, I have mentioned that we have been struggling with our youngest son. The truth is hes had a lot of anger. I have been very careful not to bring up the race thing, because I dont want to draw attention to it. I was hoping to keep from dealing with that situation as long as possible. However, its impossible to avoid it forever. Utterly useless to pretend that people dont notice, because its obvious they do. It all started when he entered school this year. My daughter who is one grade ahead of my youngest told me that some of her classmates thought she was lying about our youngest being her real brother. (They are half siblings.) They teased about it, but she is a social butterfly, so instead of standing up for her brother she snubbed him. I had a feeling that had happened after attending a field trip and hearing some comments at a couple of other events Ive attended. As a matter of fact she snubbed me on a couple of occasions. She had an Im better than you attitude going on that I had to call her on the carpet for early in the year. I had hoped that had helped curb her miss treatment of her brother, but tonight I learned otherwise. During our nightly thankful fors my youngest was supposed to be teaching us all he knows about love. He started out fine but a few seconds into it he ended up curled in the fetal position crying, unable to speak. My husband and I tried to get him to calm down and talk but he couldnt. Finally, I told my husband to put the other two kids to bed so I could talk to our youngest. While they were on their way to bed I coaxed him into an upright position. I asked him what was wrong, but he just sat glaring at me. I almost gave up and sent him to bed but something told me I needed to keep hold of him. So I asked again. After a while he spoke, Mom, I dont know anything about love. I dont think I love anyone because I dont look like my family, my sister acts like Im not even there at school, and she never helps me when people laugh at me. I dont have any friends because they all think Im weird. The black kids ask me why I have a white mom and all the other kids ignore me. Sister, acts like Im not there. I want to die. Hes been saying he wants to die for a while on and off, now I know why. I think his peers and his sister have called attention to 3 truths he is not equipt to handle emotionally. 1. Hes adopted. We got him when he was 11 months old. He has always thought of himself as our biochild with 2 adopted siblings. However, my daughters friends have said things like, Its weird, you look like your dad but your brothers dont. in front of him. (My daughter is white BTW) This school year has forced him to have to admit to himself and others that he was not born into this family. A fact he isnt taking very well at all. 2. He has just discovered that other kids moms are the same color as them, but I am not the same color as him. One little black boy asked him Why aint your mama black? How did you get her? It was an honest question for a 4 year old to ask but it hurt my son. It made him feel less than equal to his peers, because in his mind that made him odd. 3. He isnt the same color as his siblings. I think it would have helped if all 3 of my kids were black, but they arent. My oldest looks Hispanic and my daughter looks like my husbands side of the family, fair skin with dark eyes and brown hair. The older two look enough alike that people dont say much but with my youngest its different. He doesnt even resemble anyone in the entire family. At least my oldest son looks like my husbands adopted brother who is Mexican. My youngest is truly one of a kind. However, we never call attention to it. We always just treat them like our kids. Thats it. So after I figured out his problem, I called his sister down to join us. I explained that we are all created in Gods image and we are to respect each other if for no other reason because the image of God is part of our being. We talked about family, and honoring each other above all others. It was a very deep discussion for a 5 and 6 year old, but by the end of it I had learned that my daughter had been snubbing my son and it was because she was ashamed that they are not the same color. She apologized to him and vowed to treat him better. After they hugged I sent her back to bed. He snuggled up on my lap and thanked me for defending him. I looked him in the eye and said, Sweet heart, do you have any idea how much I love you? and how proud I am to be your mom? He sat up for a moment and held my gaze, are you really proud of me even if I dont look like you? he asked in a serious tone. Yes, with all my heart. tears were now streaming down my face. Now, I feel love mama. He grinned and then buried his head in his blanket on my arm. Within moments he was fast asleep. All I could do was sit here and pray. I asked God to continually give me wisdom in moments like that because my children need all the nurturing and love I can muster, but it has to be tempered with discipline and reason. We start counseling this week to try to help him work through this. Im hoping it helps. Again, this journey I call my life isnt for the faint of heart but I love it and I love my kids! I am proud to be the mom of all 3 of them whether other people understand it or not. I would not trade them for anything.
Posted on: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 06:06:42 +0000
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015