I knew when I started taking in birds that I was going to experience painful moments. I have had birds come in sick, I have had to experience euthanasia, I have sat with birds at they pass, and even had one have a heart attack in my arms. Each one is painful, but nothing prepared me for losing a bird that was adored by every visitor here, and nothing compares to losing that bird because of a mistake I made. I have never experienced pain or grief to the extent that this death has caused, and I dont know if I will ever fully recover. I am sure it will get easier as days go by, but tomorrow will be one week, and the sense of loss and blame is only worse. A couple of years ago, we had a cockatiel, Cheeky, pass away after having a night fright and getting her wing caught in a platform perch. One thing that helped with overcoming that grief was to use it as a teaching tool on what perches are safe and what perches are dangerous. Any time another bird can be saved and another family can be spared pain, it makes the personal loss here much easier to accept. In this case, however, the circumstances were so bizarre and consequences so remote that I have yet to find lessons to share. If/when I do, I certainly will. Last Friday, I was pushing the food and water cart, and I had a bird out of the shower and on a play stand. One of the dirty bowls of water had spilled onto the cart, so was going to push it into the bathroom to clean it up. Sebastian (Sebastian is OK; he was not hurt) was sitting on the play stand, and it was sitting in the way, so I told him to Hold on buddy; we are going on a ride! My intent was to gently push the play stand into the bathroom. Sebastian loves to be pushed around on the play stand and look at himself in the bathroom mirror, so I thought nothing of what happened next. As I pushed the play stand with the cart, it hit the transition strip that is covers where the tile and lower flooring meet. It is a bit of a ramp, but I have done this same thing a hundred times with no issue, but this time, Sebastian flew off the play stand, and it tipped over, hitting the tile floor. I went and checked on Sebastian, he was perfectly fine; he is quite the flier. Then, I went and picked up the play stand. At that moment, I died inside. My dear Max Goffin had been hit by the falling play stand, and he was killed instantly. I am so very, very sorry. He loves to play in the bathroom, so I should have looked to see if he was in there before pushing something in there, but Max was always everywhere around here, so I just got used to working around him. He was my constant companion here, invited or not, and no number of people telling me that this could not have been prevented, while they mean well, will never convince me that this incredible pain I feel is not deserved. Max was and is loved by so many people, all of whom trusted me to care for him. I loved him more than words can say, and I only hope he knows how I miss him and how sorry I am. For those who knew Max, I am sure they have many questions, which I am willing to answer each and every one of them. My only request is that people try to not approach me in person about Max. I know people want to give me hugs, tell me it will be OK, etc. These condolences are greatly appreciated, please know that to be true, but I cannot function if I have to talk about him in any way. Maybe some day I will be able to joke about his antics, but even now I cant even look at the paper goods aisle of the grocery store without falling apart. I dont know how long the pain will be this intense, my only plea is that I am allowed to grieve privately while giving people any access or information they need regarding Max and this terrible event. The birds here depend on me being able to function without him; deserved or not, I am asking for this time to recover, but I do recognize that other people need information in order to recover, too. It is a balance. Again, I am so very sorry I didnt see this coming. Please forgive me.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Nov 2014 14:46:09 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015