I know I am good for making many ridiculously long posts.... but, THIS MIRACLE IS WORTH READING....WE ARE CARVED IN THE PALMS OF HIS HANDS..... Today I headed out for my run, thinking 14 miles into Depere and back,when I got 2 miles in something drew me to run towards my Papa (his grave in the Allouez Cememtery) instead....so I turned quickly and headed that way... In the last few weeks my body has been hurting again, I could easily blame it on the Lymes, but that I know that is only a small part...Emotional healing from Abuse isnt easily overcome and I have learned that it has destroyed me physically months after as much as emotionally in the past...I ran/walked as I have only been capable of in the past few weeks since my incident, and when I finally reached my Papas grave I sat cross legged before him hunched over to hide my face as tears streamed.... I like to visit my Papa because he was an unselfish man in a busy self-centered world, reminding me much of what God must be like...always home when you knock on the door and want to talk, and never too busy to listen or be there if you asked him to...he loved doing things for people and thought little about his own self. As I sat there dripping as many tears as sweat I noticed on the headstone there was a little prayer book and as I tryed to reach for it I realized how weak I was....in the past few weaks I have gained 5 to 6 lbs attempting to eat away my problems, which has only made me feel worse....My passion, running has been difficult for me in the pain and extra weight....people often hide the worst behind the biggest smiles. I cried tears like I never have before and asked God to take away this weight and the chains I wear trying to cope with what lies within.... As I begged for this grace I looked up and saw a tan SUV approach the grave from no where, and out walked a man in a white shirt that said Grandpa in blue on it...he walked intentionally towards me smiling....You run marathons, I see you often...how was your Cellcom? I said through tears, It was ok, I wasnt feeling well. He said, I know I was right next to you at the start (mind you I was in the elite corall, and didnt notice any older runners near)....how are you doing today? I replied, Im ok, thru a half-hearted smile and tears, looking down at the ground....He knelt down on one knee, cupped my face in his hands and wiped my tears with his thumbs, I stared into his eyes so soft and loving....this is your special moment isnt it? I nodded like a child. Just remember to keep the Lord in your heart, this is the source of all healing... this was the part I remember vividly but he went on to say he would pray for me and for happiness etc...See you soon. He got up and walked to his vehicle and drove away with a smile and wave, not stopping before talking with me or after just simply drove up to talk to me. My grandpa has spoken to me before and I feel his presence at my races, have heard his footsteps and when I see the moon on race morning I know my race will be extra special. I sat there for 10 minutes sobbing because I had this wonderful interaction with whom I believe represented my Papa as an angel, and was delivering to me a message straight from God. Just last night I was thinking how I needed to release the pain inside and should talk to someone, the answer was right in front of me all this time, I dont need to talk to anyone but Jesus himself, He is the only source of Healing I truly need! As I left I felt lighter my tummy looked smaller, I felt like the weight I had been carrying was the tears I was not allowing myself to cry, trying to be strong when truly I am only human and I cannot be strong on my own. I remembered how when I felt Jesus through a priest who when I was feeling guilt told me it was ok to divorce my abusive husband becuase Jesus died so you wouldnt have to suffer, God would be sad if he knew you were suffering....that priest cupped my face in his hands the same way and I gazed into the same soft loving eyes! I have been urged to tell this experience as I have been urged to along with all the other times I talk about feeling Gods presence....God is truly there and can be heard and felt when we ask him...Just like my Papa he wants nothing more than to see us happy, and his saddened when we are hurting....he is always home waiting for us to knock on his door or for us to invite him to what is important in our lives. Thanking God for always giving to me what I need, somehow I needed a human form to remind me today that just as HE cupped my face in his very hands ...I am never forgotten, He knows me and his Compassion and Love is great and I will be healed by those hands that Love Perfectly by grace because of my faith.... MY DEAR CHILD I WILL NOT FORGET YOU I HAVE CARVED YOU IN THE PALM OF MY HAND, YOUR WALLS ARE FOREVER BEFORE ME Isaiah 49:15
Posted on: Wed, 04 Jun 2014 20:29:43 +0000
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