I know Ive been a bit more quiet than usual lately. Some of you have expressed concern... I just want to show everyone that Im doing fine. Just been trying to come to terms with my health issues, letting it all sink in I guess. Its pretty heavy shit. I dont feel the slightest bit sorry for myself, its the people that love me the most who Im hurting for. Because normally, if there was something causing a loved one stress of any kind, causing them to worry, if at least have some control over the situation. There would be things I could do or say to ease their minds a bit, calm their nerves and quiet their worries. But this is totally out of my hands. Im having a difficult time accepting that. Let them worry about you is what Im told. But THAT SUCKS. I want to be a source of happiness and bring peace and joy to those I love. More than anything I want to do that. And I CANT this time. And that is what I am having a difficult time accepting, not the fact that Im sick. I want to make it all go away for them, not for me. I know Im tough enough to handle everything, but not everyone is built like me. How do I transfer hope and strength from me to them? Gah. Im so frustrated. This is just the beginning too, its gonna get a LOT worse before its all over. But I am confident that it WILL be over, I will conquer this just like everything else. If I could just somehow prove that... sorry for rambling. Im fine, Im just very frustrated right now.
Posted on: Sat, 06 Dec 2014 16:55:42 +0000