I know Ive been away for a while. Sorry. So much has been happening all at the same time. Am overwhelmed (nanaman). Am tired. And my brother called me the other night to tell me to not talk but to listen to him first. He said he was worried about me and my heart (yes, my dear heart.). And that I should think of myself first and of my children and that Ive been such a good daughter and prayed all I could, done all I could...And that it is all really in Gods hands now. I had to breathe. Am not done exhaling yet. Mom had surgery yesterday (Friday, actually) -- they had to put a hole in her throat so she could breathe and that darn tube she hated so much could finally be removed - well, from her mouth at least. Now theres one in that hole in her throat! Haaayyy... She developed an infection and the cause was bacteria that had grown in said darn tube, as well as in her stent! She had fever for 48 hours before her operation. Before that, they tried removing the tube after weaning her from it slowly, letting her breathe on her own and watching if she could do so without difficulty. Unfortunately, whenever they tried, her heart rate went up... there was so much stress and I guess she was a bit scared... Hence, the traecheotomy (Now I know that cannot be the right word or spelling!). I couldnt see her today. I was soooooooooooooo stressed na myself. Our family will go to her tomorrow (later). I hope that shell be awake so I could see her eyes and her smile again. But the good news is that -- ay wait pala -- this is one thing that has been contributing to my rising stress levels in a major way: you just never know, because one day its good news, the next, it isnt... Haaayyy nanaman... -- her nurse said that yesterday, when Mommy woke up from her operation, she seemed to be feeling better na. But that masungit na and angry na siya because she really is not used to being cooped up in a tiny room in the MICU of a hospital... Plus her doctors have put a limit on the frequency of visits and number of her visitors. She must be hating that so much. She hates being alone. She loves getting dresed up and made up and hanging out with her sisters or friends or us. I hate it too -- knowing that she hates her present situation. I both want to go to her often and do not. When I spoke to her doctor after yesterdays procedure, I just gave. Started crying and didnt expect that there would be so many tears... Especially since he gave me good news naman. I am just really so, so tired -- physically (like theres an alien growing inside of me and if it grows a bit more, itll make me explode as it comes out of me! Ngee..!) because I am so nerbiosa now and get gulat so easily. Always scared and not feeling like myself. I dont even look at my phone for fear that I will see a message from her nurse and it wont be good. Then I am tired mentally -- because no matter where I am and what I am doing, even if it is a happy moment I am enjoying, my mind veers towards my Mommy. Usually worrying about her. And then, emotionally, I am just drained. Because -- well, I seem to have an oversupply of emotions! So they go either way -- extremely high up there (!) when happy but extremely low down here (?) also when sad! Maryosep. Talagang when it rains, it pours. Parang Im forever holding my breath? I pray that my prayers are answered soon... I pray that...my surprises -- including -- and BEST of all -- the TWO major surprises I am preparing (for) come sooner that expected! Please, please may I ask you to keep praying for my Mommy? Weve been kind of touch and go. Its that dang rollercoaster ride again. At least it doesnt seem as bad as the first time when my world almost turned upside down because I thought I was losing her! But still... Please help us pray for her recovery...She needs to be home with us... Thanks again so much, everyone. Hope everything somehow goes back to normal soon (me also)... And I hope you are all well! Goodnight, everyone. Sweet dreams. Lots of love and God bless us all.:-)
Posted on: Sat, 27 Sep 2014 19:31:48 +0000
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