I know that no one really cares about this but then again I dont care if you care :-P The Authors introduction to A Brief History of the Planet Known as Earth --My WIP Introduction It has been a long time coming. Much of what we know has been handed down for centuries. We have little knowledge of the time now known as the Dark Ages. The reason for this dark age has been debated for centuries. The most prevalent and believable story blames it on an apple. While no one has ever seen one, it is believed to have been a seed derived from a tree. Trees were like fringle shoots only they grew to hundreds of feet into the air on broad woody stalks and one was sufficient to shade an entire village. According to legend the apple gave access to all of the knowledge in the universe both good and bad. This apple was said to be the first food ever eaten by these people and doomed them to a mortality, according to some experts.(1) The apple was composed mostly of silicon and sucrose. These primitives devised a rudimentary method of centrally processed computing using the silicon extracted from these apples. The computer was powered by ionization flow between atoms and as such was severely limited in processing speed (the speed of light being an unsurpassable constraint to non-particle computing). As an aside: The sucrose was used to intoxicate their young who, while in a drug-induced stupor, they would situate in front of boxes and force them to stare at the containers for hours.(2) These were known as idiot boxes. The scientific community has been debating the whys and wherefores of their thought process regarding their storage of knowledge on fragile media but there is no consensus at this time. The processes involved in creating this media has been documented by anthropologists investigating the enigmatic Nerd class(3) and I will offer up a brief overview of this procedures. First, they dispatched very large reptiles known as dinosaurs and buried them whole. To understand how strong their dedication to future generations was you simply need this one fact: They left those reptiles undisturbed for hundreds of thousands of years! Once the animal had fully decomposed they would drill a small hole down to the animal remains and suck up this liquid goop which they chemically converted it into long strips of, what is thought to be called, scotch whiskey, it was extremely thin, less than ten millimeters wide, and of variable length.(4) This whiskey was coated with a mixture of another type of polymer mixed with minute granules of iron. This whiskey would be passed over an electro-magnet which would alter its polarity at clocked intervals based on the information to be kept. They could store immense amounts of data this way, but of course any minor solar activity could alter the stored fluxes and render any information useless.(5) There have been stories told of people who tried to convert their information into human readable form but they used a tightly packed form of cellulose and inks made from indians(6) that they would apply to this papyrus using small tubes that stored the indian liquid. I believe this to be totally ridiculous as cellulose is composed of mostly carbon and as such is vulnerable to all sorts of things. Fire, flood, and even wind could destroy or disperse these stacks of what is known today as camping paper. 1 Edward Litchneat, et. al. “An essay on pre-enlightened religious myths” 6026, Cambridge Press 2 While I cannot force you to believe such a outrageous behavior actually occurred, this has been detailed in numerous anthropological studies of historical oral traditions. 3 Whithurst and Grulling “The ruling classes of Earth” (5845) Venusian Journal 4 Some have claimed that they applied an adhesive to one side of the strip but most scholars would refute that as impractical. 5 One reason they may not have been concerned was a large magnetic field produced by the Earth’s iron core protected most parts of the world from harmful solar storms 6 We have yet to identify what an indian was. It was probably an eight legged sea creature without a true form that they would crush to make a staining liquid.
Posted on: Sun, 29 Jun 2014 22:08:42 +0000
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