I left my phone at home this morning, and didn’t think to bring my laptop. I have them both now. My daughter is patient #27403. The yellow strip on the LCD lists her as “Patient in OR”. This is the second in what will most likely be quite a few times I sit here and wait for her to clear through her procedure. The mass in her lungs is, indeed, cancerous. The procedure today is not about excising the tumor. It is about another biopsy, and a bone marrow tap to determine what type of stage 2 cancer resides in my little girl’s lung. Apparently, “Hodgkins” is the brand to hope for. The other choices are “not Hodgkins” and a possibility of “eosinophilic granuloma”. The biopsy will take a little longer to diagnose, 4 to 5 days to determine which exact profile the mass represents. They want to make sure the cancer doesn’t exist in her marrow, which would turn our -oma into an -emia. They feel the cancer is blood-related rather than native to her lung. We don’t know yet. We don’t know anything yet other than “it is cancerous.” There are protocols in place to address it no matter what it is, no matter what stage--but the determination is critical at this time. If it is a form of leukemia instead of lymphoma, everything changes. I asked “Is this curable?” The doctor stated emphatically, looking directly into my eyes, “Yes, it is. It will be a long road, but we can remove it.” They will install a port into her body for future administrations of chemotherapy. Clarity was relieved at not having the deep “armor scars” the invasive surgery would have produced, and in good spirits. She’s also prepared, as far as her mind can conceive, to fight. She only fears being alone. She already has a reputation--wherever she goes in the hospital, she leaves a wake of chuckling. Many of you have asked what you can do. Here’s what you can do to start: Hammer the impulse to fear into a weapon against sorrow, grief, depression or pity. Use that sword to kill your doubts. We will fight this. If you entertain the worst-case scenarios, even in the back of your mind, you are living in a place where Clarity is not. In Africa, orphans followed our three-person crew wherever we went in the slums. They did not pity themselves, nor one another. Some of them were HIV positive--the most depression I saw was on the faces of the men and women there to lift their spirits. Fight with us. Fight with her. No matter the outcome--you can’t live in the future, you can only live in this moment. If you choose to spend this moment agonizing over the obstacles, you are helpless. And helpless is not the same thing as reconciled. Be reconciled to the opportunity of healing, of victory. Of course I’m devastated--but I’m not defeated. Of course we’re horrorstruck--but we’re not paralyzed. Of course we’re emotional--but that emotion is a tool to release the frustration of circumstances beyond our immediate control.Yes, it’s awkward. What can I do, what do you need, how can I help--great questions, appreciated questions-- You can believe. The elephant entered the room when you read the cancer word. But cancer is no longer synonymous with death. Let that thought perish, and open the door to let the elephant out. I live in a broken world. Every great and miraculous moment has been a direct result of the creative touch of God, restoring, renewing, redeeming. The end result is, every human being dies. I can’t sit here and speculate on the destiny of my little girl or even think of her mortality just because she has this disease--every moment of every life here is a privilege, not a right. Every tenuous step upon this earth bears the possibility of an “untimely” end...but my Clarity may easily outlive me, and if there’s any place on earth for her to be this moment that might help her do so, this seems to be a good bet. Believe for her recovery, wholeheartedly, without the lingering doubt. Kill it. You have a choice. “Do not let your heart be troubled, and do not be afraid.” Make a choice to believe for her, for us. And fight to keep hold of it. That’s my first choice on what you can do. Second, Clarity loves Mikuni.
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 00:18:45 +0000