I literally feel as if I’m suffocating – lost and trapped in the desert with no water and no sign of deliverance. About three years ago I asked God, “Should I go to film school in LA or should I just be safe and go to school twenty minutes away from home in Miami?” He chose LA. Life in Miami definitely wasn’t the easiest, but I thought moving to LA to live my dream would be better – it turned out to be worse. I cry just about every other night because I feel useless. I have two degrees and nothing to show for it but debt. My lease is up in August and I really want to go back home – I really thought I hit an ultimate low until I read this passage that spoke to me so hard that I was literally in tears. Once Moses and his brother delivered the Israelites out of Egypt, they thought all was well until the Egyptians marched after them. The Israelites cried out, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” (Exodus 14:11-12) Getting out of our comfort zone scares us. You think you’re suffering in one way and once God releases you from that, you praise Him like you should’ve been doing every day. But once trouble arises in that new territory, you’re questioning God, asking Him why He brought you out of one hell to get you to another. One thing I realized is that God hears all cries. He may not release you at the time you want Him to, but the Lord we serve is all about timing – and His timing is always better than our own. Just like the Israelites, nothing worked well for me in LA – I couldn’t find a roommate, my job barely paid over minimum wage, and graduate school was stressful. Nothing seemed positive about my move. I felt, and still feel, as if I’m in the desert dying of thirst, asking God why he brought me out of one place to send me to another place that didn’t “seem” better. And that’s when I received my reassurance.Moses answered to his people “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:13-14) I never felt something so strongly. You see, your walk with God is nowhere near easy. There are so many things that need to die in order for you to resurrect yourself into the child of God He preordained you to be. I don’t want to be the “old” or the “today” Jessica – I want to be the renewed Jessica that has an infinite amount of faith that the Lord will lead me out of my turmoil as He did with Moses and the Israelites. How do you reach that point? Do exactly as Moses said, “Stand firm and let the Lord fight for you.” God already won the war, so why even start the battle? I’m nowhere near a saint; I still don’t have all my stuff together, but one thing that helps me toward strengthening my faith in God is to ask questions. I always hit a low point – a place in which I feel I don’t want to trust God again, but that’s when his “wink” comes in. It’s that specific scripture you read that night that hits home or those precise words of encouragement from a friend you hear and think, “Only someone hearing my thoughts could say that.” That’s God’s way of telling you, “I hear you. I got this.” And believe me, there’s nothing better than wiping tears off with reassurance. -By Jess Guillaume
Posted on: Fri, 16 May 2014 20:48:24 +0000
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