I looked at my schedule and an overwhelming sense of dread started creeping into my heart. “What’s wrong with me? Why am I always running late, running behind, and running after my people who all seem to compound this issue?” Because time refused to stand still while I pondered, it was necessary to jump right into task mode. There was a lunch and diaper bag to pack, a permission form to sign, and tangles that needed gathering up into a side ponytail. I put one foot in front of the other and kicked into automatic, mentally crossing off one thing after another on my morning routine checklist. I gathered up the back and diaper bag and lunchbox and bottle bag and started announcing from the front door that we had to leave right this minute. And then I said it again. And then I yelled it in a tone that finally got Peyton to appear. I quickly checked to make sure we didn’t repeat yesterday’s mistake of leaving with Alli’s onesie not snapped. Then I marched out of the house while tossing out a stern reminder to please shut the door quickly so no bugs get in. But bugs got in anyway. As I slipped the car in drive, Peyton freaked because she forgot her blanket causing me to simultaneously slam on the brakes and spill both cups of milk I had gingerly perched between my purse and the little stacks of toast. I jumped out and ran back into the house to get her blanket and let hot tears just have their way. The green numbers of the dashboard clock seemed to simultaneously mock and remind me I had no time to sit and cry it all out. I handed Peyton her soggy toast while Alli squealed from the backseat and in a rare moment of single mom anxiety, I drove my Honda down the lane in tachycardia. We pulled into the carpool line at school and I stared at the long line of cars ahead of me. I imagined all the wonderful smiling mothers who were doing this better than me. They probably had organized systems for packing lunches the night before and making sure their kids kept up with their shoes. They probably did family devotions each morning, ate breakfast at the table, and sang songs all the way to school. I compared all that to the realities of my morning and came to one heart-sinking conclusion: “I suck at this.” Almost at that exact moment my phone buzzed with a text message from a friend: “I had a really hard morning with my kids today. I’d love to learn how you do it all, and really well.” I couldn’t believe it. I half sighed and half chuckled at the irony. I turned around to Peyton sitting in the back and said, “Hey babe, I’m really sorry Mommy was such a grump this morning. I think I misplaced my smile. So I just want you to know while you’re at school today I’m going to do everything I can to find it. And I want you to know that I love you, and I’m very proud of you.” After I dropped her off and headed to daycare, I called that friend and told her what a gift it was to get her text. I shared with her. She shared with me. Together, we brainstormed better ways to prepare for these morning pitfalls we both kept finding ourselves in. Together, we gave ourselves the permission to admit how hard single motherhood can sometimes be and that it’s okay to feel caught off guard by the endless demands. Together, we listed reasons to be so very thankful. Together, we found strength. Together, we regained our sense of dignity. And it wasn’t too long until we both found ourselves laughing together. I got Alli to daycare and before I handed her to Mrs. Becky, I said to her. “I’m sorry I lost my smile today, I love you and I’m very proud of you. You are my shining star.” She smiled, rubbed her slobbery and snotty nose on my red dress shirt and went to Becky. It reminds me of one of my favorite Proverbs, Proverbs 31:25, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” But sometimes it takes a friend to bring us back to the place where we can live in this verse. We need each other. The key word that day I processed life with my friend and gained a better perspective was, “together.” It’s such a powerful word and the exact reason I wrote this devotion today. You are not alone. Oh, how easy it is to lose our smiles and forget to laugh at the craziness of our lives. I need reminders. Just recently, I bought a bracelet with a silver heart that is inscribed with the words, “She laughs.” When I catch a glimpse of this bracelet out of the corner of my eye, I remember laughing is one of the best ways to show those I love that I enjoy them and I like being in this life with them. What a gift for them to have memories of me laughing. I imagine, though the circumstances might be different for you, you know that place where I was. And maybe you need a reminder to laugh too. We all have times where we feel like failures. We feel like others are doing life so much better. We feel so very alone in our struggles and issues and chaotic emotions. And we look up one day and feel like it was a lifetime ago since we laughed. So, I slip this little devotion into your life and whisper, you’re not alone. You’re doing this so much better than you think you are. God has entrusted you with your life, your loved ones, your unique challenges because you are perfectly equipped for it all. Just don’t lose your smile. And if you run into me today looking a little worn out, might you remind me of this as well? Prayer for today: Dear Lord, help me not to lose my smile today. I want to find my joy in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Posted on: Tue, 19 Aug 2014 12:46:32 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015