I lost it today, both online and in an in-person encounter, and feel some regret about it. Some….I aint perfect. Lately, Ive been thinking about my Black comrades and how many times I have seen them respond to both micro-aggressions and blatant racism, directly, but without unrolling the rage and exhaustion that I imagine they are feeling. There was a video going around talking about that, about the human limits and the deep well of humanity that it takes to not burn down the whole damn world when you have been under attack for all the generations in America your ancestors have known. Well, hell yeah. But, I also want to be careful not to fetishize that in some way, not to glorify that well in a way that reinforces the false contrast, of good resistance and bad resistance, or charges anyone with not showing grace in the face of genocide. You know? But, damn! I am in awe so often of the generosity of Black comrades in challenging me and others when we need to check our privilege, and in situations far worse than this. All this, was further reminder to me of what we must already know, that in this resistance to generations of genocide, Black people must lead those conversations and their experience must be centered. Eff you, #AllLivesMatter and #NotAllCops, and all the more subtle ways that White people shift the conversation back to ourselves, talking equality as a diversionary tactic--maybe an instinct to defend the privilege that our whiteness (constructed long ago, and reinforced by those in real power), has always known. And, there is another thing, that I am seeing better now. My insidious-gotta-keep-checking-it-cause-I-live-it-privilege has me so convinced that I can say what I want, when I want, and unleash as much anger as I want, that it gets in the way of the more productive agitation and organizing my comrades are trying to do, because winning an argument aint shit. Surviving is the shit. Resisting and building new worlds is the shit. And, thank you to one of my dearest Comrades, Rebecca Jackson Artis, who after I called someone a racist piece of shit, offered her number to this person, and said, lets talk. Damn. I admire her for that and a million other things. So, yes, step back, step back, not because its correct to make space, but because peoples lives are at stake, and because whether we know it or not, we might just be standing in the way to protect that world we know instead of helping to tear it down.
Posted on: Sat, 06 Dec 2014 04:33:50 +0000
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