I love this song because my mom loved Christmas time. It was a time of year that we celebrated Jesus birth and she never failed to remember that. So when she exited stage Heaven I declared Christmas time as a time to celebrate our saviors birth but the actual celebration of Christmas a non holiday. Yes I had children and we celebrated for them but for me the joy was gone, the happiness was gone. I put a smile on my face for my babies, but inside I was crying and screaming why, why, why. Yes it is Jesus Birthday but he took my mom to heaven where she wanted to be, but not where I wanted her to be. I will admit now that I am very jealous that he needed her more than me. Right up to the moment that she drew her last breath I truly believed that my mom would live forever because I truly never envisioned my life without her. God in his infinite wisdom would just never make me have to ever live with out this perfect beautiful woman whom I knew from the inside out and whose heart beat soothed my soul would never rob me of her presence in my life not me I was special I needed her more than he did, I had a million more things I needed to talk to her about and a million more stories she needed to tell me. No it is too soon it cant be time for you to go how will I make it without you here. Finally my mind has it worked out that you have finally taken your Heavenly rest no I am not happy about it, no, I dont like it! I somehow someway have managed to put one foot in front of the other and no I am not happy that I have had to figure out how to make it from one day to the next. No I dont like it because no one wants to talk to me about the most wonderful woman I ever knew will ever know. No one asks me if I am ok. Who is going to hold me now and let me cry. Who is gonna tell me everything will be alright? Who is going to believe in me now? Who is going to tie my shoes just right? Who is going to watch from the crowd and tell me how good I did? Who, who, who, who, who, who? No one thats who! Yep thats right no one. I had to deal with that all by myself. I had to figure out where to put my feelings because while I have siblings they had their own lives to live and their own agendas. No one had time for me except my love, he lost his mom two years before mine no he didnt know exactly how I felt but he understood the heartache that I felt and that emptiness that I felt. He held me when I cried, I am forever great full for the wonderful husband that God gave me he has truly been there when no one else was. Thank you to Kenneth Rauch for always being there to catch me when I want to fall. I love you more than you can imagine.
Posted on: Tue, 16 Dec 2014 22:19:02 +0000
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