I make no excuses for my bipolar condition. I do not have to ask anyone to forgive me for my mood swings, my inability to function for long periods of time or for my withdrawing into my own little world. I do not enjoy any of these symptoms. When I have become manic and have gone in uncontrollable spending sprees, I have not done so of my free will. I remember receiving approximately 6 to 8 digital cameras I had purchased in a one night spending spree which I did not even recall. I assure everyone that I would never had purchased them if I had been in control. Hiding all those cameras was not an easy task and figuring out what to do with them was almost impossible. (Guess what 8 people received for Christmas that year? Lol). Not being in control of your moods and emotions is not a joy ride. Ones inability to pin point what in heavens name is wrong with you is overwhelming. Life becomes a living hell for yourself and those around you. You dont enjoy your life, your family or much anything else. You are just there and in turmoil. No one understands you and you dont understand what is happening. No, I will not continue to apologize for being ill. I did not ask to be ill. This was not my choice. I would rather have continued to work, but that would have been impossible when there were and are times when I cant make it out of bed or even get my brain to function. Life is not easy for those of us with bipolar disorder and if we dont speak out and try to let others know what we feel and how difficult it is to go throw our manic stages, no one will ever understand. It is not easy to put myself out there and share some of my symptoms with you on FB, but we need to get the word out in order for others to try to understand how difficult our lives really are. I went through years of being misunderstood by my family. Instead of understanding what I was going through I was being judged. They were trying to force me to function and that only served to push me deeper into my depression. Hope this post will help some family members dealing with a person with bipolar disorder better deal with the situation.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 06:17:03 +0000