I need an opinion on a scene thats featured in my book. Its really important because the way the reader reacts to this shapes the direction the story goes in. It would be awesome if you could check it out and lemme know what you think. Necessary notes: Melissa = protagonist, main character. Madison = deuteragonist, main characters best friend. ---------------------------------- Now, Melissa Holbrooke had a naturally meek and collected personality, and there were very few people whom she found utterly repugnant. However, Kevin Hollister was at the tippy top of the very short list, and if it’d been any longer, she would’ve added his name a few more times for the sake of emphasis. What about him made her blood boil? Perhaps his obnoxiousness? Maybe his overt misogyny? No. Those things were pale in comparison to what she disliked the most—the way he acted towards Madison. To Kevin Hollister, life was about testing limits, pushing the envelope until you drove a hole through the paper. Boundaries were manmade. You did what you had to do to get the proper results, no matter the feelings of others. That was how he lived, and he showed it. Mix his megalomania with his dashing good looks and his parents’ unbelievable fortune and you had a recipe for a conceited disaster. He hadn’t always been this way. Melissa could recall a time when he was rather sweet and gentle, with a chivalry that reminded her of her father. In middle school, he was the type of guy who would share his lunch with you if you forgot yours or hold the door open for you if he saw you approaching. One year, he’d even shown up to class on Valentine’s Day with enough cards and heart-shaped chocolates for everyone. He and Melissa weren’t exactly best friends, but they would talk on occasion and exchange smiles when they passed each other in the halls. He was nice. Then high school rolled around and something happened. The summer transitioning from middle school to high school transformed him into an unrecognizable, cocky jerk. Melissa found out a few weeks into her freshman year that his parents had gotten a divorce, and it hadn’t been the prettiest from what she’d heard. She’d tried to support and encourage him, if for no reason other than the few talks they’d had and common decency, but hed responded to her acts of kindness with disdain. She’d wanted to be understanding of his situation and the new persona he’d adopted to cope, but it seemed like he did everything in his power to make it difficult to. Then during April of last year, he did the unforgivable and drained her of all sympathy. Madison had adored him, and she had every reason to. He was quite intelligent, handsome and talented. They started seeing each other, and the way Madison talked about him, you’d think he was the human incarnation of chocolate. For the first time in a long while, Melissa began to think he was finally reverting back to his former, gentler self. Then Madison had shown up at her house one night with a sprained wrist, sobbing uncontrollably, soaked from head to toe, though it hadn’t rained all day. Once she was inside and dried, she pushed through her tears to tell Melissa what had happened. “His dad is outta town for the next few days, so he invited me over to watch a movie,” Madison had explained. “Spark Plugs. You know, the remake of Electric Lady with Trinity Woo and Daniel Raine. It’s terrible, dude. I really tried to pay attention, but you know how bored I get with crappy movies. After the first fifteen minutes—which are the worst, oh my God—my mind drifted and I started thinking about how much better it would be if they let Frank Reed direct it instead, stuff like that.” She had this saddened look in her face that told Melissa it was hard for her to continue on to what happened after. She locked her eyes on the hardwood floor and just stared blankly for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts and wrap her head around this unbelievable series of events. She used her good hand to grab a tissue to wipe her nose with and resumed the story. “Then… I don’t know, I guess he had his own idea of what ‘watching a movie’ meant because he started getting… touchy. I felt his finger trailing down my arm. It was a little weird, but I figured it was harmless, you know? Then he started giving me little kisses on my neck and cheek. A part of me wanted him to keep going, but… it just didn’t feel right. It’s only been a few weeks, you know, and we didn’t even establish what our status was. It felt rushed. I told him to knock it off and playfully pushed him away a little. I didn’t wanna offend him, but at the same time, I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Maybe…” She sighed. “I guess I should’ve been a little more… direct, because he took it as teasing. He started getting more aggressive, like tugging at me, trying to pull me closer. I told him to seriously knock it off, but he wouldn’t stop. I kept trying to get away, but he nearly pinned me down on the couch. I got scared. I didn’t know what to do. I pushed him off of me, like really pushed him, and got up and told him I wanted him to take me home. He got angry; I got angry. We started screaming at each other, and he told me if I wanted to go home then I had to walk. My house is like eight miles away from his and yours is four, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t stay there anymore, not one minute longer. I said whatever and started to leave. I was storming out through the backyard past his pool when he… he…” Her empty gaze met the hardwood flooring for a second time, this time for much longer than before. Droplets of sadness formed around her eyelids and she quickly dabbed at them with the tissue in her hand. “Melissa, he… he kicked me. He followed me outside and… kicked me in the back, right in the pool. You know I’m not the best swimmer, especially in the deep, deep end where he knocked me in. I half landed in the water and half landed on the edge and nearly broke my wrist. I was only in there for maybe ten seconds, but it felt like minutes. I didn’t even try to make it to the top at first. I was in so much shock. I just… floated… trying to figure out… why. Why someone would do something like that. Then I started thinking, ‘I’m gonna drown, I’m gonna drown, I’m gonna drown.’ I eventually made it to the top and was able to climb out. I-I-I wanted to call you, but m-my phone is all botched up. I mean, lookit me, I’m drenched. Your house was the closest, so I walked alongside the road… by myself… with a swollen wrist… in the dark. I still can’t believe it. I thought…” More than a year had passed since then, and Melissa’s feelings of resentment hadn’t faded. Not even a little. She couldn’t bring herself to forgive him. She wasn’t a vengeful person, but the nerve of that jerkbag, mistreating and injuring her beloved best friend like that. She wanted him to pay for Madison’s pain and suffering. But she was helpless to do anything. She wasn’t some masked vigilante who delivered justice in the dark of night to the evildoers and jerkbags of the world. But she never forgot what Kevin did, nor did she forget the way Madison had looked that night, the way she’d stared at the floor in bewilderment and hurt. Not even for a single second.
Posted on: Mon, 21 Jul 2014 23:11:44 +0000
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