I need somebody thats going to help me.I cant do this anymore.My life really sucks right now and the sad part is I have nobody to talk to about it.Nobody cares, and they dont pretend to care until your dead.If I could just catch a break, or some kind if good luck would come my way, im sure things will change.I feel God does not love me the way he loves everyone else.Everything good that has ever happened to me has been ruined by my outside family.I just cant handle it anymore,All I do is pray , and its like he aint hearing me.I see people everyday walk around with a smile on they face, but they feel like I do they just dont show it.People always ask me why you so quietor why you dont smile.I dont know what to say so I keep quiet, but the truth is Im not happy.My health is so bad I could die at any time, and you think that would make people care, but I learned nobody ares unless they want to.My peace of mind was destroyed a long time ago, and it has been hell tryin to get it back.My heart hurts so bad, and all I do is try to be a good person.I realize now thats getting me nowhere.I hate to be mean, because im really a great person but God doesnt see it that way, and it seems nobody else does either.So why should I keep tryin so hard, when I dont have to.I have been ready to die for a long time, but its like he wont take me.What is he waiting for, does he have something special in store for me.I wish I knew, but I dont.I dont even know why I shared this, when I have no friends who would care if they read it.I wish I could turn back the hands of time, their is so much I would do different, they say you should learn from your mistakes and the only thing I have learned is you cant trust anybody .I found out the people I loved all my life just put me down behind my back.I dont have a mother or a father and they are both alive and well.It seems like mean, rude, nasty, selfish ass people have the best lives, they dont worry about shit, but people who are nice and kind suffer the most.I was given a chance to sell my soul and I said no, because I want to go to heaven when I die.The offer is still on the table, what should I do, live a great life with money and friends and go to hell when I die, or be patient and go to heaven.This is a very hard choice to make because I dont know who to trust, my heart or lucifer.I wish we had a choice of taking life or just not being born.I would have chosen not to be born.Theres not a worse feeling in the world than knowing you were a mistake.My parents dont even love me, they act like I dont even matter.I have not talked to my dad in 10 years, and he lives right around the corner, and my mom is 10 minutes away.Whenever my kids are sick I stop what im doing and tend to them, untill they feel better.I show them all the love in the world but i got none, where does that come from, because at one point in my life i didnt know how to love, I guess I learned by watching my kids grow up, and they are always telling me that they love me, and it feels wonderful.My children keep me from doing the unthinkable, I just wish I could give them more than I do.I know they are happy that im in their life and I always will be.Me being a loving father makes me feel great , but my father not loving me makes me feel terrible, but I forgive him for treating me like shit, all this time I needed him and he ignored me, has made me very strong, hes gonna need me one day, but im not gonna be able to help him, because I dont know him, and now I dont need to know him.Thats why as men we have to take care of our kids, because we never know when we might need them to take care of daddy.I am glad I wont have that problem.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 19:45:14 +0000