I never understood anyone who considered, let alone followed through with suicide. It just never made any sense to me. Things can always get better. Unless of course your dead. But after being falsely accused of domestic violence. Labeled a wife beater. Jailed. Loss of employment. My relationship with my children almost completely destroyed. Foreclosure. Homelessness and no end in sight and a loss if all hope for anything to get better.... I more then learned why people consider it. I lived it. I considered ending my life from the moment my eyes opened until the moment I could finally get them to close at night. Day after day, week after week. I wanted it to just end. I saw no point in continuing. I look back today and I am amazed that I made it through that time without ending my life. I sometimes wonder how I did it. How I was able to hold on until that moment things changed. For me and my family it was my 11 year old daughter who finally brought me to my senses. During a supervised visit, she was looking out the window. Obviously distraught about something. I asked her what was wrong. She turned towards me. She looked into my eyes and broke down crying. Rushing to me and throwing her arms around me. I asked her again. Whats wrong honey? She looked up into my eyes and she said... I dont want to lose my daddy... Please dont kill yourself. On shock I pushed her back and asked her to her of this. But as the words left my lips, I realized the answer. No one had told her. I hadnt ever said anything to anyone of it. I knew if I had, they would only attempt to talk me out of it and I didnt want that. So at 11 years old, my daughter could see what was going on. No 11 year old girl should ever have to be faced with something like this. I made a decision that day. I made a decision to live. To continue, no matter what the pain and hurt and hopelessness I felt. I got into counseling, I found others going through similar experiences, and soon after I began to pour my heart and soul into this page and movement. Its been just over two years since that day. You may not have an 11 year old angel who sees things so clearly and says something to you that rocks your very core as I did. But I can tell you things can change. They can get better. Even if you believe with all your heart and soul that they cannot as I once did. Today, I share 50/50 custody of my children. Today, I am a father again. Today, I am here to tell you that no matter how bad you think it might be. There is ALWAYS a chance things can change. If you continue to live. Respectfully, Thomas Fidler
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 16:31:41 +0000
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