I never wrote my Day 7 of gratitude. Mostly, because I felt so terrible in so many ways, but also because I had more than three more things Im grateful for. Both of those parts are still true, but this is something I really want to say. First off though, you should know that I have Bipolar II (as in two, because there are two different types) Disorder. Ive wanted/been terrified to share that openly. Ive given myself a million reasons for this in order to assure myself that its definitely not because Im ashamed of it. But, the truth is, Im not sure I believe it any more because the majority of the (few) people I have shared it with have been really supportive and non-judgey. And its about to become a huge part of my life for the next month, so there you go. And now, for my final bits of gratitude, brought to you today by my mental illness: 1. Amazing Family. -- A husband willing to move our whole family across two states because he felt so strongly it was the right place for me to get help--even though it looked like it was only making things worse initially. And who never stops fighting for me. Ever. -- Kids who (mostly) are at their best when Im at my worst. Who come home to find their mama in bed, give me a hug and a kiss, tell me about their day, and then get themselves a snack and get on with their homework. A daughter who cant give me enough a hugs and expressions of, I love you, Mom. A budding therapist son who does his best to understand what exactly about the cookie batter fiasco made me cry and then to help me know that its okay, he and Daddy can fix things, and its okay for me to just take it easy with my tears and my pillow. A baby who is convinced she can help by taking my face in her chubby hands and asking, You so sad? Why you so sad? and then kissing my owies. And a 4-year old who is so full of life, it hardly registers some of the time (Im really not grateful for his response when he does notice Im not doing well, though). -- Extended family who are willing to put their lives on hold to come drive me to and from the hospital, babysit my kids, and/or babysit me this upcoming month. Who call me, email, and text to let me know theyre thinking of me and to remind me I can call anytime. And who make me laugh. 2. A great team of medical professionals who are helping me recognize that this is real and I have to treat it as such. Including, but not limited to: -- A therapist who understands way more about this than I probably ever will. Who tells it to me straight and makes me face truth head on, whether its my own demons or my inner strength. Whose style is really difficult to explain but is exactly what I need, even though it sometimes makes me angry. -- A psychiatrist who listens with eye contact rather than just writing me a prescription. And who gives me the why behind his recommended treatment plans. And actually expresses worry and concern for me. --The opportunity to undergo ECT (electroconvulsive therapy), so I can hopefully start to feel better and our family can have a normal life again. And all of the aforementioned professionals who have educated me about this and encouraged me to do it. Because, honestly, its kind of really scary. 3. The knowledge that there is so much more than all of this. That the purpose of my existence is to experience joy and that Im meant to live forever with my family. And I am so grateful for my faith in a loving Heavenly Father and in His Son. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to here inspired words, such as these that help me to find peace amidst all the storms of life.
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 19:47:47 +0000
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