I no longer believe that Torah is the inspired word of the Creator, and even if it is, I feel very uncomfortable about it. Why ? Because of the Creator being pictured as a “man of war” who gives virgins as spoils of war to his soldiers. It makes Him blood-thirsty and evil. Did an infinite, loving and perfect Creator write that, or some warmongering tribal leaders who needed divine backup ? Women are pictured as submissive creatures, who must suffer more than men because of the “sin” of Eve. I also have majors issues about animals having to die for the sins of man and about some stories like a man giving his daughters to rapists to protect “angels” visiting him. And so many other “stories” that simply disgust me. I absolutely hate the records of wars and blood-shedding, I can’t understand how people can enjoy reading this. I have been wondering why I cant bring myself to read scripture anymore. This has been going on for months. But I understand more and more now each day. The only thing I regret, is all those wasted years of feeling unworthy, always afraid of not keeping up with all the requirements of Torah. Always feeling guilty……. Do not think I didn’t force myself, because I did. But every time I wanted to pick up a Bible (only Tanakh because I never believed the Jesus-story) there was something holding me back. And no, it was not “satan” because he doesn’t exist. I have been praying for the truth for years and it was so sad never to receive an answer. But now I realize that THIS is the answer ! I don’t need all those commandments and rules to live a righteous life, to love and help people where I can. I will never become an atheist, I never believed and never will believe that the magnificent universe, the earth and the life on it is just the result of a coincidence, an explosion or collision. Who the Creator is and whether He still cares about us, is still an open question. We will know in due time. But I will not let my life be guided by fear and an unworthy feeling anymore. Some say they found peace in the Torah…well I don’t. I want to spend the years I have left in peace and love. I returned to my “first love”, the one I betrayed because I listened to teachers and leaders ! There are more people on the same path as I am now, and I’m so happy to have them in my life. Everyone who is shocked by this statement can feel free to unfriend me, that’s perfectly ok. I don’t expect comments on this, I respect everyone’s beliefs and I hope you also respect mine. In fact, I don’t WANT comments ! And certainly not the preachy and judgmental. I made up my mind and nothing or no one is going to change it. No one is going to take this peace away from me again !
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 04:35:48 +0000
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