I probably posted this before but ..... The Real Big Bird Lived in North Adams.. Briefly In September of 1965, as a Freshman in college, I was sitting in an auditorium (that likely doesn’t exist anymore) with about 200 other people (most of whom might no longer exist either, at this point) and I witnessed the final act of one the rarest species in the world. I refer to the most extraordinary beast that I have ever come across: the Super Secret Sacred Scarlet Scana-Bird. I was completely caught off-guard as it roared down the steps of that auditorium. It was man-sized, with multi-colored feathers and a huge, open, orange-tinged beak out of which emerged … Well, I didn’t know (not speaking bird) …. but I didn’t care. It was and is a delightful memory now, nearly 50 years later, as it was then. I watched as it ran about, seeming without rhyme nor reason, flapping its wings (futilely, as it was clearly a flightless creature) and spouting unintelligible (squawking came to mind as I recall) noises at its captive (captivated) audience. As it ascended the steps once more, I saw something quite strange, and certainly unexpected: within that beak -- a human face. I also abruptly realized, that it was speaking in a recognizable language: English (my own tongue, barely.) What it said (sort of) went something like this: “Beware ! Beware of the Super Secret Sacred Scarlet Scana-Bird ! Your dooooooom is come should you ignore these words ! “You must never pretend to know anything -- you don’t. You must never pretend to know anything when/if you graduate -- you won’t. “But you must thing hard, think long, and drink often ! “The Super Secret Sacred Scarlet Scana-Bird has spoken !” Then off he went, out of the room and, as it eventuated, out of the universe. The following year, the Administration of North Adams State College (now MCLA, of course) decided that the beast was undignified and unworthy of the serious scholars matriculating (thanks to a high schoolteacher named Mrs. Dr. Degetagno, I knew what that meant) at their institution. They gave the bird to our bird, and no laughter was to be heard. Well, wrong. 48 consecutive incoming classes of Freshman at my old school have never seen and undoubtedly have never heard of that bird, but I remember it. You know what I don’t remember ? The names (and thankfully the faces) of the literal kill-joys who ended the fanciful (and entirely metaphysical) flights of that wonderful Scana-Bird. And I’ve been laughing for 50 years, despite their efforts. Screw ‘em. ray bass 12 August 2013
Posted on: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 04:55:49 +0000
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