I read a lot about child loss, from every angle. I know hundreds of other bereaved parents who have lost children in every conceivable way: accident, murder, suicide, illness. Many of these people have been with me in my darkest days. As Jadas 9th birthday approaches on Sunday, my emotions are intensifying...I am teary and irritable and lazy...not wanting to deal with it at all. All of the WHY MES are surfacing again. What did I do so terribly wrong to have my beautiful children taken away from me??? I seek solace in a lot of places, and I find enormous strength from Mother Mary, whose sorrow was not a destructive sorrow, but one that lead her to greater love and hope. Living, TRULY living is not easy without my children. I have found unconditional love with Curt and his family, and for that I am blessed and grateful beyond measure, but nothing will replace Jada and Jordan. My grief is mine and mine alone. Just like Jada and Jordan are mine and mine alone. I will continue to spread our love as far as possible....but Jada and I should be planning her 9th birthday on Sunday. As Pastor Jan Rizzo told me, Some questions will never be answered this side of Heaven...she is right and I rely on my faith and all of the love surrounding me to get me through til I get to be with my babies again
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 01:26:57 +0000
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