I read an article recently that the worst facebook posts are the ones that are self-focused. So spoiler alert: this is about to be a really bad post. As of 5:30pm today I am on a 6-week LOA from work. I have thought a lot about how I should approach this time and candidly I am still working through it. However, I have come to the conclusion that if it is to be anything meaningful it must first begin with being truthful. I feel lost. Yep, there it is. I promise I would never say anything as cliché as “this time is about finding the real me”. It’s not. That’s far too touchy-feely for my liking. Plus, I know me. I like me. Aside from the extra pounds and the jokes that miss 20% of the time, I am pretty confident in the person I am trying to become. It’s really about how a self-assured, self-reliant 30-something “grown-a$$” woman can lose both her parents and feel like she has lost her anchor. Yep, there it is. It sure surprised me. The next six weeks are about taking some time to deal with all of the feelings that get packed up inside the emotional baggage we call “grief”. Do you call it depression? I don’t feel sad. More frustrated and anxious than anything. Just tired really. I keep perspective that each of us has difficult points in the stories of our lives. Hell, some of us have never exactly had it easy. I would say that most of my life has been down-right cushy. But it’s been a rough few years. My mom fought with everything she had to stick around and my dad slipped away unexpectedly. It was a long journey. There have been amazing highs along the way work, travel, relationships, friendships, etc. but at the core of it all – the people who raised me evolved it something different and then left and I need to figure out what all that means. We will see what happens and where all this leads to in the end. All I know as I begin is that: 1) this is important 2) it’s time it happened 3) I need to be truthful about it 4) I need to write it all down. Maybe that means a blog (those always seem so self-important to me) or maybe it’s a scribbled journal written in the corner of my local coffee house. That is yet to be determined. I have been told that for the grieving process to be effective, it must be communal. Well friends, here I go.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Nov 2013 21:14:14 +0000
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