I realize that I have been living with dysphoria for years but that I didnt understand it as such... I had settled somewhat for what I was perceived as because of my physical body and that meant I was just complacent and detached to a degree. I felt in many ways disconnected from myself ... Kind of emotionally crippled within myself ... I didnt hate my body, I dont feel like I was born in the wrong body at all, I just felt like there was more to me and more to my experience and that I have the power and right to show up and shape that in the way that feels aligned with my divine evolution ... I dont identify with gender in a binary either or type of way, I never have and that has presented its challenges in a society that forces one or the other on you... In a society that in many ways needs to first feel uncomfortable themselves before they make an effort to respect or acknowledge your individual unfolding... Most descriptions of dysphoria are intuitive, personal, and vague. How can we understand ourselves without the language to describe specifics? How can we develop useful coping strategies with such a limited understanding of the inner workings of dysphoria? Well art/photography and my connection to music and sound is what delivered me to this awakening ... That is what allowed me to tap into the soul/spirit part of me that was dormat... Every photograph was a reflection, a word, a song, a poem, a thank you, I see you, I love you , a letting go, a exchange, a soul deposit, an acute observation leading me to me, a return to love... So even though some people may feel ashamed of me or uncomfortable around me, or have convinced themselves thats its too much to shift into acknowledging my evolution, I am reminded of the love, joy, inspiration, magic, and softness I have put out into the world even when I was operating from such a broken and clouded space... That took courage and that took heart and now Im working on gifting myself that same honor, and doing that means showing up in the way that my soul has felt, while still challenging myself in my growth as an individual vibrating to our collective life experience. So for those who think I am changing from a women to a man, or my desire is to convince you of so because of appearance, you have it completely wrong... I was never either woman or man to begin with ... I desire to unfold into more of me and hope your life leads you to more of you.
Posted on: Mon, 03 Nov 2014 13:27:18 +0000