I receive many messages and comments in regard to my experience,my thoughts and words. Every single one is appreciated. So many call me brave. I dont know about that. Maybe I am. I cry everyday. Sometimes many times aday. It just happens from out of nowhere. Ill be in shower and here comes the rain again. I guess when you surrender to what is given and you accept the love and support, as I have, of my family and close friends your walls come down. We run around just going and getting where? Nowhere of any value or significance really. When you have no choice but to stop,it leaves you barren,open and hopefully your walls of independence crash. It is now you,naked and hopefully full of gratitude and acceptance. Its highly emotional. No longer are material things of any thought. I have been giving things away to those I love. What I know is my family and my very few close,longtime friends that are here for me.the tenderness and intimacy being shared makes me cry. My letting go of a 34 year career makes me cry. The care I receive from my sisters makes me cry. The idea of leaving them and Ginger just kills me.breaks my heart into small pieces. It makes me cry often. I continue to weaken. I am now at 108 lbs. I have been proactive and placed all my ducks in a row for when the time comes. It could be a long time and maybe not. But I know Im here awhile longer. All I care about is spending as much time with my sisters and their families as much as possible. I am not scared of death,I am scared of pain. I still say I am a fortunate man.i look around and see the love and care. I was not aware I had planted so many good seeds that the people that have physically stepped up to hold me up is astounding. I did many things right. I so so glad I affected so many in amazing ways. My family is also impressed. Life can be gone in one moment. Joy can leave you just as easily. Stop youre crazy running around now. Remove your guards and walls now.Bring those you know in closer and remove the wasteful ones out. The users,the vampires,the useless and I know u know who they are. Get rid of those narcissistic morons in your life. I have.
Posted on: Wed, 23 Oct 2013 15:13:17 +0000
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