I received such a sweet encouragement at church this morning. I tell ya, I struggle at being a good wife and mother. I know in the depths of my heart God called me to have a family. To love and honor my husband. To build him up and let him be well known at the gates. To have my children rise up and call me blessed. Trying to live up to being a Proverbs 31 woman is hard sometimes. The very lips I am suppose to use to build up can tear down. The very hand I am suppose to show love can be used to point fingers and scold. There was a point in my life where I was so self-absorbed that I neglected my familys emotional needs. Even tho I had made amends with them and asked for forgiveness, sometimes I feel that guilt creep back in. Its in those weak moments I have to remind myself that God restored my family and I shouldnt be so hard on myself. But I am... I am my worst critic. I have gotten criticized about my parenting from others before. They only see what I am lacking. If they could only understand my personal struggles maybe they could see me how God sees me. Not perfect. But through grace and love, He sees me as a woman who so desperately needs His guidance and understanding. I know my kids can be wild heathens. I see their own struggles and I try my best to help them. But fail when my emotions gets the best of me. Just like last night, I go toe to toe with one of them and felt like I lost a battle. Then.... this morning, woke up late being lazy and not feeling spirit lead that we were late going to church. We missed Sunday school altogether. When church was over, I went to the restroom and met a lady in there coming out of the stalls. She smiled at me and said, You are such a good mother. I enjoy sitting behind you in church. You are so sweet to watch with those boys. They try your patience but you are so precious with them. Stern. But gracious. I was floored!! Because before that during the offertory Ben was fussing about not passing the plate to Matthew. He got skipped basically because he just wasnt paying attention until he saw Matthew pass it. (Every Sunday the poor ushers have to wait on us because my boys fight over the offering plate as to who is going to hand it to me.) Lol!! Its awesome how God sends us the right people at the right times! Feeling like a failure is how I went to church this morning. Instead of the pastors sermon, God encouraged me through kind words of a sweet lady! I love my church family! They all see how my boys, especially Ben, tests the waters! Last week, Ben had gotten goldfish in Sunday school and I wouldnt let him have them during church. Again during offertory just as the ushers turn around from praying, Ben runs out in the middle aisle, stomping his feet, screaming I WANT GOLDFISH! So I quietly get up and take his hand walking him down the aisle. As we were walking back towards the vestibule, he kept repeating, Im sorry. Im sorry. Dont spank me! I could see the smiles and hear the laughs from my church family. Its like they knew what was going to happen but probably thought how cute little Benjamin was and felt sorry for him. I could also hear Pastor telling the congregation, Now THAT is being remorseful. Incidences like that happens a lot to where I have to take Ben out to correct his behavior. So thankful for an understanding church family! Whose kind words make me feel like I am doing something right. It is nice to be noticed and appreciated for the good qualities instead of the bad. Lord knows I trying. :-)
Posted on: Sun, 28 Dec 2014 21:49:43 +0000