I received this a few days back from a close friend. He says, far more eloquently than I ever could have, what so many of us feel. As Ive said personally to many of you, its an explanation, not an excuse. Im sorry. -- Have you ever heard anyone talk about the “black dog?” It’s a common metaphor for depression. Three or four times a year a big, ugly black dog shows up on my doorstep. He’s been coming to visit me my whole life but I’ve only really started to pay attention to him in the last ten years or so. Sometimes he follows me around all day with his head hung low, staring at every move I make. Other times he bares his teeth at me, growls and threatens to attack. Sometimes he stays for only a day or two, other times for a month or more. He follows me to work, on vacation, to social events, even to bed at night. It’s hard to sleep with him lying next to me. He makes me irritable. He makes me not want to be around others. He makes me lash out with hurtful words when I think I’ve been treated unfairly. He makes me take things too personal and overreact. He makes me say things I don’t mean to people I care about. He makes me feel sad when everything in my life is ok. He doesn’t let me accept others for who they are. He makes me judgemental. The more I do the things he wants me to do, the longer he stays. I despise this dog. I’m ashamed that he follows me around. I know how to keep the black dog away though. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, lots of sleep and talking about him to loved ones always causes him to put his tail between his legs and skulk off to bother someone else. But sometimes he sneaks up on me before I get a chance to do these things. Sometimes I forget or I lose focus. Once he shows up, it’s harder to do the things that keep him away. . As I approach the New Year, I’ve decided that the only way to keep living with the black dog is to accept the fact that he is a part of me. I can no longer hide him from the world around me. He’s not easy to talk about though. I worry that if others know he exists they will treat me differently. That they won’t accept me as a friend, a neighbour, a colleague, a boss, an employee. It’s a risk I’ve decided is finally worth taking. Each and every one of you may interpret this message in a different way. Some of you may choose to forgive me for the way I’ve behaved towards you and others may not. I fully understand either decision. Regardless of what you decide, I hope you will accept this message in the spirit it was intended: as a sincere apology and an honest explanation. Thanks for listening. --attribution, my friend
Posted on: Thu, 25 Dec 2014 23:35:46 +0000
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