I remember very well the day my son, Julian, came into the world. It was a late August morning filled with the brightness of sunshine, clear skies and the unlimited hopes and dreams my wife (Martina) and I carried for our child. As I held this tiny wonder in my hands I, as most fathers do, quickly began to envision his life as one heavily populated with achievements and awards the entire world would celebrate. For, you see, we would give him every possible advantage. I imagined the conversation we would have when he had to decide between the Rhodes scholarship and accepting lucrative offers to become a professional athlete. He would become a colossus, astride the worlds of business, civic life and philanthropy. This would be a man for the ages, one who would help make the world a better place. Autism. The diagnosis was made when he was four years of age; my wife and I were at a loss, suddenly adrift in the uncertain waters of autism. Where would this new, unplanned journey take us? Our chief navigator has turned out to be Julian. From him we’ve learned so much about where the real values in life reside. He first taught us patience and to be thankful for each singular moment of happiness. When he was three he was not verbal. This (delayed speech) is very common in autistic children. His frustration at being unable to communicate through words led to constant and very loud temper tantrums. I will never forget the tear filled look of hopelessness on Martina’s face the day she wondered if she would ever be able to have a conversation with her son. “Will he ever say I love you mommy?” One evening, after a particularly trying day with him, he looked at her, without any prompting, and said it, “Mommy”. This single word utterance sent her into tears of joy and an embrace of Julian that seemed to last for hours. To our delight he hasn’t stopped talking and, today, is full of thoughts on his favorite topics; animals, Africa, Disney animated films and Egyptian mythology. Thanks to Julian, I can share with you the meaning of courage. It’s the thirty-five steps he takes from the vehicle to the front door of his high school. As most of you know, sixteen year olds can be about as compassionate as Simon Cowell during the early rounds of American Idol. Everyone wants to be cool and fit in with the crowd. Well, Julian doesn’t. Though his physical appearance reveals nothing about autism; he’s quite handsome, got his mom’s looks, he is very different from most of his peers. This is something, as a high functioning autistic person, that he’s acutely aware of. He doesn’t have any friends at school and often eats his lunch with a favorite teacher. He likes girls but is unable to engage them. Academics are very difficult for him. Think about when you were sixteen, tough. Despite all this he perseveres and enters that school, smiling, every day. Our father –son conversations are not about the latest in sports or how to ask that cute girl to the dance. We talk about Disney films and exotic animals. The natural world is actually quite a wonder. Instead of bragging on my son’s “lightning quick” first step to the basket or his high academic class ranking, I find myself beaming about his gifts as an artist, his near encyclopedic knowledge of animals and the pure unfiltered kindness he shows to others on a daily basis. During one of our chats I asked him what he thought happiness was. His reply, “Being nice to people and doing the best you can.” I was momentarily speechless. Julian had distilled thousands of years of scholarship and thought about our very existence into a simple but brilliant ten word answer. I think if we all listen, maybe Julian, and the thousands of persons like him, can help make the world a better place. I’m honored to be his father. ~By Dwayne Ballen
Posted on: Sun, 02 Nov 2014 10:43:19 +0000
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