I see a lot of posts about losing people too soon....not having the chance to say things before its too late. Although the last years of his life were less than ideal, the very last one for my husband was awful and the last six months....well, there just are no words to describe that time. We knew, both of us, we just knew for months....and as the implanted pacemaker/defibrillator went off more and more frequently, delivering shocks that were described as feeling like being kicked by a mule, shocks that literally kept his heart beating....we both felt that time coming closer when we would have to say goodbye...and we did....we had a chance denied to many. We said it all...we poured out to each other what we felt for one another, what we hoped for each other, what we were grateful for. We said our thank yous, our I love yous.........and even the Im sorrys. At the time I thought that it was torture.....to know and be able to do nothing to stop it. To be so out of control. I see now what a blessing it was. There was no unfinished business. Im still finding the notes he left, directions on how to take care of one thing or another. He even wrote down his famous BBQ sauce recipe!!! Im still learning how to deal with those things that he always did...sometimes it makes me smile when I do something differently and know hed have a fit that I didnt do it his way. Its been over 9 months now. Today was his birthday. Yesterday one of the kitties decided hed rather go to heaven and be with Dad on his birthday...a special little guy that Milt rescued as a 6 oz kitten who grew to be a 27 lb cat! Each day, month...it gets a little easier to breathe, to get through the mundane things that have to be dealt with on my own. And I realize how blessed I was to have the chance to say goodbye. Happy Birthday, Pappa....I miss you.....and you were right....Im going to survive.
Posted on: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 02:15:34 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015