I sometimes wonder how I could say I was sorry for any hurt or disappointment I ever put upon somebody whether it intentional or not. I dont think I am a vindictive, hateful, spiteful or mean person. I am strong and weak...I try and I fail at times. To be honest all I ever wanted was to be part of a world where I was loved and respected. To be appreciated for who I am and what I do. I dont want to ever be remembered for riches, awards, etc...I simply want someone to remember me and smile. Because I made them laugh, because I did a kindness just for the sake of it. Because I loved them the best way I knew how. I have made some really stupid choices in life---been afraid--been fearful. I have also survived cancer, a heart attack, the loss of parents and siblings, friends. I have endured nothing more than anyone else...theres always somebody out there who has it rougher than me. I am not unique--but I am me, warts and all. I can wear my heart on my sleeve and be distrustful at the same time. I am who I am. We choose paths that we find in the end werent so clear--or easy. We live and we learn. I have found that each day can be met with a smile or a frown. I find that I am intelligent yet full of shit....I suppose it ought to be enough for me to just be me. For me to be accepted for all that I am and am not. I really do care about the impact I have on people but as I have aged--I dont give a shit what you think of me based on your/their standards. I am not Mother Theresa--nor am I the Devil in disguise. However, I dont need someones approval, love or friendship if it comes at a price or with limits because they choose to be who they are in their world. I cant know what they think or feel. Vice versa I suppose, for some. It is what it is. While I wont be judged, I gotta know it may be the same as they feel. When I was young and ridiculous--I found it easy to judge. And then I woke up and realized how petty I was....its those awful traits and choices we make that define us. I can answer my own question; I am a damn good person who has their issues like anyone else. I am human. If you choose to be a part of my life--all I ask is for love, respect and decency. I have known some folks who I could not stand---whom I did not click with. But I never treated them badly--and I still wouldnt. Some cut people out of their life for what they believe is the right reasons. And sometimes tough choices have to be made. I see the point but it doesnt make me like it. If I knew someone that left me or whom I left; friend, family or foe....needed a kidney---an organ that could save their life, I would give it without hesitation because its the right thing to do. I am rambling away---its been a tough few days here and its gonna get tougher for a while. I guess the answer to my first question at the start is this. Im sorry. Its pretty simplistic--is it not? Yes....because I mean it. My thoughts apply to anyone and everyone. You can doubt your self, your decncy, your goodness. Its okay. Take a deep breath--look around--and just love, accept and respect not only yourself but others. Marcies Sermon has now come to an end. Thank you and Good night. LOL
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 04:41:20 +0000
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