I spent several years feeling broken during my Infertility journey. I was sad with constant grief that I couldnt conceive. I was jealous with internalized envy that everyone around me was getting pregnant seemingly without difficulty. I dwelled on the life I felt was being stolen from me. I wallowed in self pity and told my husband to leave me and marry someone younger so that he could have the family I could not give him. I was angry at everyone and everything, and felt alone every time I got a failed pregnancy result. It seemed no one around me could understand or relate to what I was experiencing. With every effort of my being I mustered up enough energy to find something positive in my life, something to be grateful for. I drained and exhausted every available emotion into remaining hopeful, because regardless of every failed IVF attempt, and a few pregnancy losses along the way, I knew I was meant to be a mom some how some way one day. I refused to allow my Infertility to define me, I refused to allow my infertility to destroy my spirits, I refused to allow my infertility to control every aspect of my life. I refused my infertility to break my marriage up. We were told that my chances of conceiving and delivering a healthy baby was less than 10 percent, due to my age and low quality and count of eggs. I am here today to tell you, that how ever you become a mother is not what is important. Whether you conceive naturally after years of trying, or under go fertility treatment the process is still stressful and emotionally a horrific roller coaster ride that you never chose to get on to. Whether you choose to use a surrogate, male sperm, or female egg donors, or adopt there is always a way to become a mother. It may not be the path you thought you would have to take to become a parent, but I can assure you, if you really want something you wont think twice about anything getting in the way of keeping you from getting what you want. Today I am 42 years old, and after TTC for 5 years via 6 IVF cycles we now have an even stronger marriage than ever before, and with one of our last frozen embryos we have a beautiful 21 month old baby girl who is intelligent, confident, athletic and most importantly healthy. Here is a video I made on what Infertility meant to me. youtu.be/Ajw4h-CBcJI
Posted on: Tue, 25 Nov 2014 02:53:58 +0000
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