I stepped away from thirteen years of building and remodeling Sears Stores . . .with nothing ahead for me. Well, not exactly nothing, I had some cash, and my wife was working, and she had the dance studio.. What I mean is, nothing in the sense of . . . nothing that pays, or paid very well.. See, I knew I was done with that part of my life.The money was fantastic, BUT The frustration continued to rise and the reward was just, gone (which is a whole other rant altogether), and the ones who were truly suffering were my family members—my wife, who had to listen to my rants, also had to do a lot on her own in my absence, and my kids, who didn’t get to see me much at all, even when I was there. My time was done, that season of my life had passed, that was abundantly clear. But . . . I wasn’t being shown where I was to go next. That’s when it hit me, “Maybe you’re supposed to step out in faith, then He’ll show you your next step.” So I did. And, here I am. Still. A few years later. Waiting.. . . . jjjuuuuuusssssttt waiting. The material instinct inside me calls me insane. Because I still want the big boats, the week-ends on Lake Travis, the great Deer Lease, and all that life offers.. The spiritual side says that I have prayed for God to lead in my life, therefore I’m in God’s will. I’m right where I’m supposed to be. At the Ranch and it’s a great place to be.. It’s a continual argument. One the material instinct often wins. I know God’s with me through this because everything I’ve been hearing lately, everything I’ve been reading, has been saying, “Abide in Me.” “Rest in Me.” “Do not worry about tomorrow . . .” Assurance in the will of God. Still, I just want to look up to the Father like the child of God I am and, in my best whiny voice, go, “But its ssssooooooo hhhaaaaaarrrrddd!! All my friends are laughing at me(not my real friends). I don’t know what I’m gonna ddddooooooooooo??!!” He answers, “I know. They laughed at me, too. But for now, just wait.” And I stamp my little feet, cross my arms tightly and go, “Hmmph! No! I’m MAD!” (Actually, I stole that from any four to seven-year-old.) He just answers, with a patient sigh, “I know.” And I do too. I’ve done this with my own kids. When they were young It didn’t matter what good will come “down the road.” They don’t think that far ahead. It frustrates the crap out of them when I can’t/didn’t give them instant gratification. They’re locked in the moment. They wanted it “now.” And, so do I. I get it. In my head, I get it. But, as I’ve often heard, that’s the difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. I’ve got it, but it hasn’t sunk in. Even as I write this, I know I’m going to be back into the funk-world of self-pity and frustration. Sooner rather than later, more likely. And God knows it, too. He loves me anyway. (Thank You) He hasn’t steered me wrong yet . . . Doug
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 16:59:03 +0000
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