I stumbled up on one of Kimmis many life inspiring Blogs she wrote in her personal blog website. .This one Dated back in November 2013.. and here I am unintentionally discrediting my wifes understanding.. shame on me.. What is it like being Cys wife ~A life with PTSD one day at a time. November 6, 2013 10:03am I know there are spouses and loved ones out there who experienced this, and I for one can honestly say I am one of many. I find myself saying I am the loneliest married person around . What makes me lonely u ask, when I have an amazing loving husband who loves and adores me more than life itself? PTSD is the most misunderstood mental illness and many people suffer from it and not even knowing they have it. Its not just military related, but can occur in anyone whose had a close to death or traumatic experience. The good news is that this is one of the most treatable conditions there is. The bad news is that many warriors see it as a weakness and refuse to admit it until their life has become unmanageable in some way. It is usually the ones that they love most that are first affected and often times lost. Initially, medicines are required to regain sleep structure, lower anxiety level and balance out the system. Sadly, the combination of these suppressants does a number on their mental state. Each medication has a different side effect and before finding the appropriate drug for the condition, U evidently become a medical guinea pig. That alone can already make u crazy. There are the periods of mental confusion and loss of memory, which i notice from my husband. If something triggers - a smell, a sound, a look, things out of place-- whatever, his adrenal response raises very quickly -- much quicker than normal people and he snaps! It can stay up for few minutes, hours, days or longer, and Majority of the time he has no recollection of what triggered it. This is my part of the world where I can share what is it like living beside someone who suffers from this chronic desease. No one asks for it to happen, just like any illness or disease, it just happens and because it does, instead of seeing us as samples of the dark truths of a military couple, we are the most judged. Put aside the great benefits and so called perks of a military discount, the longterm consequence is never worth the hype.. I am a firm beleiver that the hardest jobs are only meant for the strongest.. And the strongest have only been put there to serve a purpose. I slowly see my purpose in why I married my husband. He needed me. After witnessing all the traumatic episodes he experienced post war, lashing out, unexplained behavior and actions, rage, and uncontrollable mood spells,it only takes a warrior herself to still be around. And i cannot imagine him dealing with it alone. It takes strength to be married to a Marine, but it takes a saint to be married to a PTSD veteran. Sadly but truth is, my husband will rely on medication for the rest of his life. It is not something u can cure but something u can control,which is still very minimal. He may lash out in the mall, at a restaurant, or even places that is irrevelevant to the stress.. Because nobody knows where that smell, that sound, or that look will reveal itself. It makes him irritable, his anxiety level rises and he becomes un controlling of his thoughts, words, and actions towards others. He becomes isolated, lack compassion, and distant with his domestic life. I have become his figure, his caretaker, his emotional absorbing Punching bag. It can be extremely hurtful nonetheless embarrassing but I have learned to cope and deal with it as positive as i humanly can. There will be days when everything is good. But there is no telling where that smell,sound, or look will be next. I commend all u spouses who live thru this, weather military or civilian. I would not wish this upon anyone.. Think about the great times, think about those long deployments when u would trade anything to have him home. Think about who u have beside u and what he stands for that majority of men will and cannot do.. its an honor to know that someone whose that strong is that weak for YOU! He needs u.. as much as he will tell u that u are a piece of shit, at the end of the day, he needs u, U are not alone, and I have to remind myself that I too am not alone.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 03:31:13 +0000
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