I think I came very close today to seriously consider suicide. I didnt act upon it, obviously. But, the horrible emotional pain, the constant loneliness, the thought that Ill never work again, never fall in love again, never achieve what I want to achieve, including and especially being financially independent again; all of it suddenly got to me. All at once. I survived by distracting myself from myself. By watching a movie, taking a nap, making a phone call. If I ever did myself in, it would only be to end the feeling and desire of suicidal thoughts. Last night I saw a wonderful show put on by survivors of suicide, produced by Julie Mayhew. Very inspirational. I know that posting this kind of thing on Facebook is going to engender jokes, as well as make some people steer clear of me, especially potential employers. I dont care. Because posting this is part of what I need to do to stay alive and fight on another day. Because, ultimately, I believe life is worth sticking around for, no matter how bad things seem to be at the time. Suicide hit my family very hard 41 years ago, and not a day goes by Im not reminded and deeply affected by the loss of my half-brother & cousin, Larry Kenton. I will survive simply because I wouldnt want to adversely affect those who know me; love me. After all, suicide murders the survivors. See you on the funny side within the hour. Or two. Love, Steven
Posted on: Mon, 21 Apr 2014 04:20:19 +0000
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