I think my Facebook profile lists my attending Westtown School. Its a small Quaker K-12 school near West Chester, PA (about 40 minutes from Philadelphia). At the time I attended (just high school) it was partly day students and partly boarders. Being from Michigan I boarded. The day students were required to board for 11th and 12th grade, which made for a tighter bond between two halves of the student population that could at times be a bit estranged. Its easy to picture it through the trope of small, tight-knit community because it is and was. But it wasnt that simple either. Like any school there were cliques, factions and some floating lost souls. While many flourished, others wilted. Or we alternately flourished and wilted and flourished again under the usual pressures of being teenagers and the more unusual pressure of being boarding school kids often far from home. It was not ideal for all but for those that were lucky enough to have the confidence and support structures to keep our heads above water, it was often a very profound experience -- even with the various miseries we might encounter. The friendships formed there were -- and are -- battle tested. Many of my closest friendships date to Westtown. While contact between most of us waned over the years, it was always remarkable to recognize how that long-ago bond could burn as bright after 25 years as it had some lazy weekend afternoon at Central (a hangout in the main building separating boys end and girls ends). And my memories from there are as vivid as any in my life. Being a teenager can be a searing experience. The people who stand at your side (or at odds with you) at that vulnerable time are never forgotten. So Westtown matters to me. Alot. I keep thinking of this metaphor of burning bright because one among us named Jonathan Troiano burned as bright as anyone. Besides being wildly talented (he became our student body president and went to Stanford), JT also had a contagious warmth and air of inclusion that made him as popular with the outcasts as it did with the popular kids. He had no enemies. Not a one. He had a Magic Johnson smile and the approachable warmth of Tom Hanks. I cant remember a single ill word ever uttered about or by the guy. And we were friendly like two people in a small class might be. But not soul mates. Small talk and high fives probably reflected the depth of our shared moments. I think Ive seen him at one or two reunions and then floating through the Facebook ether. He always seemed the same old great JT. Loved by all. Treasured by all. Then on New Years Eve I saw a post from my classmate Fleet with these impossible words: So it appears that JT is no longer with us. I have no details or real confirmation other than what Ive seen on facebook today & I truly hope that Im mistaken. Theres no good way to react to this. Theres no good way to experience it. Horror movies have nothing on the shock of losing a soul like JTs. JT had posted simply, Im sorry on his Facebook page and evidently within a few hours had taken his own life. Four small children are without a father and countless others will never be able to bask in the light he brought directly or indirectly to all those around him. So theres that. And then there was the reaction from so many. Ive never seen anything like it. The tributes have been pouring in from people occupying every period in his life; so much anguish; so much pain. Obviously I was experiencing it too. Its like an emotional grenade went off in all of our lives. And its incredibly disorienting. Its hard to understand why such universally profound reactions can occur over someone who -- lets be honest -- many of us werent soul mates with or in any contact with at all. Why this reaction? Why? Well of course its in no small part because we loved him. Loved him for who he was, and for the loved he infused in our lives. But its clearly more then that. And I refuse to accept that its something trite like being faced with our own mortality or something along those lines. Its just really hard to figure out. Not only can I not make sense of his death, I cant make sense of my own reaction. Are we being maudlin drama sponges insinuating ourselves into someone elses tragedy? Did we fail him by not keeping close enough tabs on a friend who must have had a terrible suffering? Or was it just the brain chemistry of depression and some terrible cocktail of dispiriting moments and bad timing for one person who probably changed more then I can imagine in the years since I (sort of) knew him. I just cant make sense of it. And neither can anyone else it seems. All I can say is I cant think about it without crying. And the world seems a bit darker now. I guess JTs awful moment has one benefit though: its brought old friends together again. That pretty much defines bittersweet, but Ill take it. So in honor of JT and our extended Westtown family, Ill re-use a quote someone posted on his page: A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature. -- R.W. Emerson My love to all my treasured friends. If Im a sucky or absentee friend, please forgive me -- youre always in my heart and dont hesitate to enlist me at any dark moment. I dont want to see any more posts like this. Tomorrow they bury JT and I just cant shake the feeling that theyre burying a little piece of all of us too. Rest in Peace JT. Thank you for shining as bright as you did for as long as you could.
Posted on: Tue, 06 Jan 2015 04:28:32 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015