I thought I was a normal enough teenager, which means I felt like an abnormal misfit most of the time. Then when I was sixteen, I learnt meditation, and all heaven and hell was set loose within me. Periods of such stunning beauty and silence that everything seemed to glow from within, followed by being tumbled dried with heavy curtains of twisted judgements and emotions. A searing pain the center of the heart that burnt and bled and only found some respite in the very depths of meditation. What had I signed up for? Two or three days of clarity, followed by five or six at the cleaners. And this went on for years! But you could be around me and never know it, nor understand it. How cleverly we hide our pain, or at least we think we do. I was fortunate to have friends who understood and just held me. (Thank you Peter, Rajesh, Raman!) Slowly it turned. Six days of clarity. Three days of being skewered. Then many months of clarity. Hours of confusion. And so on, until the clouds would rarely last more than moments or minutes and the sun was never far, warm and smiling always. Slowly the heart calmed and relaxed and softened. A new harmonic, a timeless flow, a deeper allowing and acceptance. It made sense to read Rumis words, that love will burn you, and that the problem is not with love but that we resist, and burn incompletely. Looked it up now and couldnt find the exact quote! Found these instead: Through loves burning fire is pleasing light., A true lover is proved such by his pain of heart; no sickness is there like sickness of heart., Through love thorns become roses, through love vinegar becomes sweet wine. Haha. Enough said. But why do I share all this? Im not sure. It wanted to be shared. And so it is. Burn on my brothers and sisters. It keeps getting sweeter, as you know.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:14:57 +0000
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