I thought that after two years it would get easier. I thought thatd id be able to look through your pictures without getting choked up, i thought i could go through your things without getting a knot in my stomach. It still haunts me everyday. I wish i could remember your face before i found you, when i picture you i cant remember anything but how purple your skin looked. I can honestly saying losing you was the worse thing that could of happened to me, it threw me into a darkness and it made me hate the world. It made me hate god. I realized just how unfair the world really was. I lost my optimism and joy. I still fight with that darkness and i still dont understand why you died. The only solace i can find is that those last few weeks we were okay again. You were happy,despite everything, you were the old debbie again. I miss you everyday, i see things every day that remind me of you and i have so many stories to tell you. This world is cruel and shitty, but for you i try and find beauty. You were the best mom, you did the best you could. I understand that now, and all my hate and anger is gone. I love you. Always.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 05:18:16 +0000
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