I told Jade we would do something to make her feel better today, and I asked her what she wanted to do. She wanted to go to a bookstore (truly a child of mine). So we went straight to Sage Coffee and Books in DeKalb. I swear every time I see Lara at Sage at least one of us is having a crisis - but Im always glad I saw her! Then Jade and I poked around in Meridian. She has decided she wants her own record player for Christmas so we browsed through vinyl. She saw a picture of David Byrne on a book and tripped out: Oh my glob, he looks so old! He doesnt sound that old! I had to explain to her some of the Talking Heads songs she loves so much are over 30 years old. (Last week she was playing with some kids at the park and they all were singing songs on the merry-go-round, when one child suggested a Katy Perry song. I heard Jade chime in, I dont know that song. Yall know any Talking Heads?) I found a Guns-N-Roses album and she remarked I have no idea who that even is. Dont worry, she listened to Sweet Child of Mine at full volume as soon as we got in the car. For homework she has to learn to whistle the intro to Patience. She saw Green Days Dookie and asked Arent these the dudes who sing 21 Guns? So she also had to hear Longview, Basket Case, and She on the ride home. We listened to songs her daddy loved, mostly Blind Melon. But then I played her a Staind song her dad used to sing to her when she was a baby and he was rocking her to sleep. The song is Zoe Jane but he used to sing Sweet Baby Jade instead of Sweet Zoe Jane. He played it and many other songs for her on his guitar and he could sing. He used to have a lot of laughs at my expense when Jade was a baby because EVERY time I would sing to her she would cry. I mostly sang her Counting Crows songs for some reason, so maybe it was my selection (Ill keep telling myself that anyway, haha). But she loved her daddy singing to her. She had already been crying a little here and there today and tonight, whenever she was unable to distract herself for a minute, so this song did make her cry. But it was like in a good way, if that makes sense. It is nice to remember the good times with her father. The chorus goes: I wanna hold you Protect you From all of the things Ive already endured And I wanna show you To show you All the things That this life has in store for you And Ill always love you The way that a father Should love his daughter Sweet [Baby Jade] Sweet [Baby Jade] I sang the Baby Jade part over Aaron Lewis Zoe Jane, which I know wasnt the same as when Jeremy would sing it, but she did love hearing it again. It was like getting a message from him, one she really needed to hear. We returned home to a small feast from our dear friends Bonnie and Johnny and we were so grateful! Who knew driving and book shopping could bring on such intense munchies! Nate had Bomba text us that he sure hoped we had thought to get him a happy to make him feel better too. That boy is a mess. He was delighted over his new Bad Kitty book. He loves to read but doesnt care much for spending hours in bookstores like me and his sister. We also came home to find a mason jar bank Nate and Bomba had designed in order to house Jade and Nates hourglass fund. It was already started, thanks to a generous gift from Tanya Shepherd McGinnis. Thank you so much! We didnt get home until nearly midnight and then we had to read aloud to each other, the three of us, sharing our favorite parts of our new books (new to us -Sage is a used bookstore. And Jade scored a Choose Your Own Adventure book!). It was a nice way to end a day that started off so poorly. Jade cried a little while trying to fall asleep, but MUCH less tonight. She still isnt sleeping in her room again yet. Shes been sleeping beside me, but Im glad shes close. I know when shes crying and I can hold her. She worries about Nate. She has shared with me a lot of her reasons for being upset, of which there are so many, and it breaks my heart how courageous and mature she is having to be right now, expressing emotions I never even thought of her feeling. She is such a beautiful, caring young lady and there is so much of Jeremy in her - the beautiful parts, the parts that we got to see a lot of before the drinking started. Its nice to experience those parts of him again, but its hard on me. Never has the loss of my husband been so painful. I lost him before, but gradually, with each transgression, each infliction of pain diminishing and tarnishing the love we shared. Though the man I loved and the father I knew was gone, a different person took his place, a man I no longer respected or liked. Now that he is completely gone I am finally feeling the true loss of the husband and father he used to be. And it hurts me too. Thank the world for sending me so many friends like all of you. Thank you for all of your words of wisdom and your condolences and offers of love, for your thoughts, your prayers, and your kindness. It helps, every bit of it helps us and means so much to us. There are texts I havent even been able to answer. Please know that in time I will. It is easiest now just to update everyone at once this way, but as the kids adjust I will take the time to speak to each of you personally. You all have been a blessing in every sense of the word. The kids are sleeping soundly for now so I am going to rest too. Thanks again everyone and goodnight! Hold the people you love close and tell them how much they mean to you!
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 07:54:40 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015