I understand now why sometimes people run off from FB and arent heard from for long periods of time. Especially when they live out loud as I do in the public. Im trying not to be one of those who vaporise, but there is a storm brewing that may be better weathered behind closed shutters... Its very difficult to live your life in a hotel room with your mate in a video box. I have done the hotel room going on 20 years, and the latter for going on 3 years... I have lived my life on a tour schedule that coincides with foaling calendars and show itineraries. And now? How am I to live this next decade. It is of course my choice... But... idk how I want to live it... I spent all of 2014 preparing to start a new life over the winter, a new life that dematerialised and created a void in me... A void that threw my world out of balance, and opened up blank ground where emptiness, fear and doubt cultivated something magical and new. Now Ive two gardens to tend and looking in the mirror I think I AM becoming the vine thats too difficult to tame down... (God knows Ive been hit with enough roundup the last three years yet still come back like an Oklahoma thistle). I have become like a captivity raised she wolf. Both domestic - and yet wild. A pet who wants to come inside and sit by the fire; Until the wind howls, and she has to go. If you hold her too tightly, or lay harsh words, she will find flight from the fear of the entrapment... And, all that will remain is the memory of her firelight shadow, and a distant forlorn cry - carried by the wind.
Posted on: Sat, 10 Jan 2015 20:29:01 +0000