I unfriended someone today, whom I have known for a few years as a Facebook friend, and enjoyed intellectual and philosophical connection over that time... Over the past six months or so, I found that he/she had an increasingly angry or victim-based tone to many posts, and the more personal posts about daily life decreased dramatically. Which is fine, because I enjoy seeing what people care about, and what they think, or like, or want to express. That wasnt the problem. However, for some reason, certain posts would seem to bother me, and I would comment, not so much to change anyones mind, but to just add my perspective. Which can be annoying to the other person, especially if they are heavily invested in their position, if you know what I mean. Which wasnt what I was trying to do, but still, I seemed to get that reaction. So, I really started to look inside to see WHY I was being bothered by certain postings, and if there was something about it that had to do with ME, and all that. I tried very hard in any communication to be respectful, but it didnt seem well received. I mean, sometimes, but often, it seemed to create the opposite reaction. Some people, when given any kind of alternate view, get intensely fundamentalistic in their views, which, I can appreciate, because there is a lot of emotion there. Sometimes there is a lot of pain that is triggered even by certain conversations, right? I realized that I was being distracted by this relationship, because of my own pain at feeling misunderstood, whatever. When it started to get chippy, and a little personal, I realized that I dont want to do this any more. It wasnt really about the other person. I am fine with whatever he/she wants to believe, or live, or do or say. Its really okay. I wish him/her nothing but the best. But this is about me learning to pull back my own energy, and not getting engaged in fruitless conversations that just leak energy and time and power and focus, and stay on task for what I am trying to do. It is a real gift to me, the whole thing, and the sad part I feel is that by unfriending this person, he/she might feel that I am somehow angry or rejecting or being petty or whatever, when nothing could be further from the truth. Honestly, I am pretty sure he/she wont miss me for a hot second. I dont think there is any investment in a Facebook relationship, especially when my posts might sometimes rock the boat. But the fact is, it isnt about who they are, its about me. I guess I realize that in order to grow, or to do more, or whatever, you have to have energy, or time, or focus, or all three, really, and anything that we do that drains that away has a hidden cost to us. To our vision, our future. Every wasted hour on Facebook, arguing. Every health crushing vice. Every distraction that keeps us from gaining momentum. Im choosing to spend my time very, very carefully, with people that are positive, open minded, action oriented and whos general desire is to grow and expand and help change the world. Thats where I want to invest my time and my energy and my relationships. Im not better than anyone, by saying this. I am just choosing where I pick my battles, my concerns, my time, etc. Where I spend my resources. I get a tremendous value from Facebook in the quality of the relationships I have here. Its not a Facebook problem. A lot of people blame Facebook for wasting their time, when its really their own inability to set boundaries as to where and how they use it. I would never Quit Facebook because I am struggling in my boundary setting. I wouldnt want to disappear from my tribe, my family, my friends. But I might decrease my presence from time to time, and thats cool. I guess its like people who will get into a bad relationship and argue with people just because theyre bored and they need attention. I mean, some people would rather have negative attention rather than no attention at all. Thats not me. I regularly unfollow people so I dont have to see what they post, if its not something Im into... but I am learning and growing all the time, to try to get better, and to try to get things done. I wrote this not to tell anyone else how to live their lives. I am just really writing this for myself, to share what I realized today. I dont write it to help anyone, or because I think I am better than anyone else. Were all just figuring this stuff out as we go along. Thanks for reading this, if anyone actually made it this far. I hope I didnt distract you from your own vision or challenges! Have a great day! I will, now that I figured this thing out a little! Yeah!
Posted on: Sat, 22 Nov 2014 18:13:05 +0000
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