I use to believe that self-sabotage came in only one form but showed up in various actions: cheating, lying, rage, eating bad food, drinking too much, financial irresponsibility, breaking commitments (especially the ones made to ourselves) or just choosing to not take care of the vessel that weve all been given as a gift from God. However, just recently I realized that there is another form of self-sabotage that is considerably more destructive - it looks like this: Youve been through some sh*t, maybe since birth, but youve been clawing your way out of the darkness into the light. These days, you ensure that you take care of yourself, youve got your finances in order, you are kind, you live life in moderation - not in the extremes, except one thing: you are in a relationship with or surrounded by people who routinely self-sabotage. So what does this look like for you? You live your life in a state of panic wondering whats the next bomb that is going to go off. Whats the next crisis that is going to be hurled at you to handle (because, you know, you are the responsible one). You find your energy is sucked out of you and you are tired and maybe depressed and asking yourself: How in the hell did I get here?!!! This is how: when you have started life at the bottom and have learned lessons the hard way - you have accrued copious amounts of compassion for those whove traveled the same path. You also believe because youve done the work, because youve taken massive action to evolve and be a better person, because youve changed, well, then it is possible for anyone to change. (Those who have a rough start tend to be hardest on themselves.) So you meet someone and you probably recognized signs of self-sabotage right away but you rationalized them away: If I give them the kind of love that I want - if I give to them what Ive never had, they will change, the (insert bad behavior/s) will stop. They will feel safe enough to be an authentic, drama-free person. (By they way, this is also what they are telling you). Does this sound familiar? In reality, they keep making the same mistakes over and over again that hurt you - cheating, lying, financial disasters. You think they deserve a second chance because you were given second chance at some point in your life. Everyone deserves a second chance. Its the third, fourth and fifth chances given that begin to eat away at your soul - because deep down, you know you are betraying yourself. Its possible (probable even) that you have evolved past people that you would have felt lucky to have interacted with say, 2, 5 or 10 years ago. And, you dont have to feel bad about that. Its okay, in fact, its necessary for your continued growth to set boundaries, to raise your standards, to choose to cut someone out of your life because they are not ready for you - the You that you have carefully cultivated - the one youre are really proud of. You deserve to be in a intimate relationship and surrounded by people who vibrate at the same level as you do. That doesnt mean your not kind. That doesnt mean you lack compassion. It means youve done the work for yourself and you want to interact with others who have done the work too, who can appreciate the difficulty of the journey. You cant do the work for someone else. I repeat, from the most loving and understanding part of my soul, YOU CANNOT do the work for someone else. The only life you can actively change is your own. So please if you are in a relationship or relationships that are keeping you from SHINING like the light that you are because you are embroiled in their drama, take massive action to extract yourself, now. Its not their fault, its YOUR responsibility to protect and care for the soul youve been given. Its your job on this planet to evolve, to learn, to live your very best life so that you can shine your light for others. Dont let anything or anyone inhibit your growth, weaken your spirit or dull your shine. Ever. Love, Light & Shine. ~Chelli
Posted on: Sun, 02 Nov 2014 15:47:35 +0000
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