I used to not believe in true love in this circle as I thought everything was just so superficial and based only on physical attributes, from good looks to hot bods and anything you name it. I just wanted to play around and have physical fun with guys, to fulfil my physiological needs before I eventually resign to my fate, settling down with a girl who perhaps I love and get married. This view of mine changed after I met him.. A lot of things have happened between us and I shall not elaborate on the details. I know clearly from every fiber of my being and heart that this person is my true love. The feelings I have for him are different from all other crushes or boyfriend I once used to have. As I loved him too much to lose him, I sometimes gave him the cold shoulder and even said nasty things to him. He always just remain in silence and dont give response. Sometimes, I just hope he can even scold me back instead of always not saying or replying anything. There were once we had a cold war, and I remembered seeing him visibly upset and lost, and almost with tears in his eyes. I felt the same also but I dont show it as I keep putting on a strong front. Many times, I can tell he is in deep pain, and I can kinda understand why he is not ready to commit because he is the only son. We really loved each other alot and I always felt some sort of telepathy and connection with him.Even by not talking and just side by side, we are already very comfortable with each other and there is always this wave of warmth and bliss that I cant completely put into words. Just by looking into each eyes, we can garner comfort from each other and we can sense each other thoughts. This sounds sweet but however, I always had this feeling we can never be together, maybe not in this lifetime. I refuse to admit it though and keep chasing him. Fast forward to today, we are no longer in contact. My life is already back in perspective even though there are times when I suddenly just miss him alot, sometimes to the extent I can feel my whole body shivering as the thought that I have lost him to mainstream society is just too overwhelming for me. I have already learn to manage and cope with the loss so need not be too worried for me. I just want to say, sorry for all the hurt I have caused you in the past. Even if we cant be together, I will always love you and you shall always have a special place in my heart. If one day you get married to a girl, I wish you and your family and kids happiness and all the best. How I hope I can hug you in my arms and kiss you on the forehead, assuring you that everything is fine and we dont have to care about what society says. These things, I have never said to you before out of my fear and pride. All the best and take care!! Sorry, I love you..
Posted on: Sun, 19 Oct 2014 04:01:21 +0000
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