I want to apologise for the screams from number 16, but to be honest it is amazing I am still here........... I have just done battle with a spider that to be honest must of been related to a Viking..... I kid you not this 8 legged Visigoth of hate ,malice and desire to kill all bi peds came at me out of the long forgotten wastes under my bed That irradiated wasteland that never sees the Hoover bore forth a thing of such mind bending horror that I knew the trusted glass and piece of paper was a weak ,mad and fruitless option. So armed with the Hoover and matching golf clubs strapped in a X across my back, I pulled down the floppy cricket hat on my head (protects against tom cruise esq spider drops from the ceiling ( oh yes folksmomma didnt raise no fool))...... And engaged in battle.... The thought of my children driving me forward where other men would of fallen to bowel loosening fear......2 go in, one come out, its SPIDERDOME baby!!!!!! Slowly I advance, rolling my eyes like a terrified pony, using my heart beat to time my steps ...totally at one with my surroundings ......Hoover on full suck mode with the dust bin empty to stop possible problems mid battle......where are you, where are you waiting to spring from you eight legged bastard.......e forth so can pile upon you my wrath and hatred.... There , across the room I can see it , all those eyes , venom dripping from its man eating fangs...... Slowly I reach out the Hoover sucky pipe....inch by in.....nearly....I cant see, my vision is growing dim...BREATH ADAM ..BREATH....Im cm away now and I can see the suction is starting to pull it away from the wall......nearly....nearly..... Oh popping buggeration its on the move and it is fast, like a lepoard it surges forward and springs at me ........right as I drag the plug out of the wall and the Hoover stops, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........and it happened , like I knew it would ...deep down my animal instincts kicked in, my breathing slowed, I closed my eyes and the knowledge of how to survive just appeared, my muscles bunched with sole purpose and with the fluidity of a kung fu master I performed a move so manly it has been named .....spinney roundly with flappy hands and girly screaming of get it out if my hair followed by whimpering half sprint Half levitation over the bed and outta there...........its still in there.....trying on my socks ................
Posted on: Mon, 11 Aug 2014 18:00:31 +0000
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