I want to be a celebrity, so I think I’ll become a performance artist. That’s the easiest path. Being a musician means I have to know how to sing or play music. Learning that would take too long, and it’s too much like…work. But if I’m a performance artist, all I have to do is ‘coordinate’ other people’s work to create a ‘concept’ and craft a ‘visualization’ of that concept for people’s entertainment. Now, let me see. I sing like a bloated bullfrog being interrogated by the CIA at GITMO, but it doesn’t matter. Sound technicians will alter my voice electronically, maybe blend it with a real singer’s voice. A few knob twists and lever pulls, and I’ll sound like a superstar. Now I dance like a crippled redneck drunk who thinks he’s John Belushi, but it doesn’t matter. All I need are a bunch of professional dancers behind me, and as long as we’re doing the same routine, I’ll look much better than I am, even if the average Broadway dance director is laughing his butt off. Now I certainly don’t have the looks to appeal to a young crowd, but it doesn’t matter. All I need is some graphic image altering, or if that isn’t enough, I’ll just get some male model type to dance in my place and lip-synch to my altered voice. After all, it’s my altered voice, so it’s me in the performance. Confused? Don’t be. You see, people don’t want reality. They want the illusion of reality. So you real musicians, keep doing it the hard way by spending years mastering your craft and see where that gets you. I’ll think of you when I’m getting my first VMA. Yours truly, Rap-Daddy Puff Bob.
Posted on: Sun, 29 Sep 2013 00:28:48 +0000
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