I was born on this earth without a father until I was two years old. I was two years old when I met a man who took care of me like I was his own child. He was my step-father. I love my step-father even when he was so hard and loud on us. With him being hard on us, we learned a lot of things we should learn. I thank him for that. I admit I had felt pain and anger on him once or twice or more to the point where I thought I wished I never met him. I was wrong and sorry I felt that way and thought like that. I had a love-hate relationship with him. The anger and pain was just all in my head but in my heart he remains the father Ive ever only known and loved my whole life. Today, My mom and him had a big fight over a very important document that belongs to my baby brother. Accusations, Filthy words, Anger, threats and all kinds of things were all said and heard. They were fighting in front of me, I felt like a five year old child sitting in a corner listening how they were fighting. My ears were hurting from all the yelling and screaming. I couldnt do anything about it but to listen to them, I wanted to get out from where they are but I know I couldnt. I couldnt leave them because something might go beyond the yelling and screaming and the fight. Physical contacts might occur but I know that is just all in my head but its better to be sure than sorry. My Parents had been fighting over for a long time now but today they fought like wolves themselves. I feel so numb but yet so hurt inside for both of my parents. My parents were never married but they had stayed and lived together like a married couple for 17 years but all those years will all be put into waste. I have an upcoming wedding on April, after my wedding I only have 3 months to stay before my visa are all prepared for me to leave and live with my husband-to-be. It makes it seem so much harder to leave seeing them all alone now. I am just a step daughter but I feel so much hurt, what more for my baby brother whose a part of my step-dads body and moms too? My baby brother is stubborn, he wont show hes hurting but I see him cry in his room from what happening. I know my sister who is in abroad is all confused and worried as well. I am.. SAD because of all the things we used to do that have to change. It can take a long time for us to stop feeling sad sometimes, even if we feel happy at other times. SCARED because i dont know what is going to happen to them and for my baby brother and sister. ANGRY with maybe one or both of my parents for splitting up. It is hard for us (my siblings) to really understand what has happened.GUILTY. as if it was somehow our fault. I know It isnt - but I know all parents argue about children sometimes, so children can feel as if they are to blame. CONFUSED about what is happening. LONELY -because mum and dad seem to be too involved with their own problems to spend time with you. WORRIED about for both of my parents, especially if one of them is alone. Especially when theyre now aging. I love you both mama and papa. Im sorry you two have to separate. I cant talk to you both how I feel because I get too emotional first before I could even begin to speak but I guess this will work.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Mar 2014 10:39:41 +0000
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