I was feeling uneasy for the majority of the week...like, there felt like there was a huge shadow over everything I was doing. There were a few moments of relief. But by and large, I felt shaky in my walk with God, and as a result, shaky in everything else I did. So I spent a good part of today finding out why. I have been steeped in debates with Christians and secularists/other non-Christians for almost two years now. I have been doing apologetics since February 2013. I know where the evidence leads-straight into the arms of Jesus. I know what its like to fall to my knees and surrender to the King of the universe. I know what its like to be enveloped in His presence, to be filled with the Spirit and to cry in a kind of reverent fear-a holy, powerful, delight-filled love. My prayer life isnt always the best, my walk with God is soooo inconsistent. But He is my God, and I belong to Him. And so today, after wrestling with the uneasiness, I finally took it to prayer (probz shoulda started with that...). See, I have a tendency to formulate arguments, respond to premises, and then at the end of all of that argumentation and philosophical formulation, I pray. Its sorta an idol. Instead of going to God first, I sometimes make myself my own God, and deem prayer a kind of thing you do after youve earned Gods grace (though Id never phrase it like that, I think practically thats what it looks like). So when I, going through my own heart and trying to figure out what the heck wuz up, was completely unable to pin down my uneasiness, I finally surrendered again in prayer. And the Lord in his mercy unburdened my heart and caused me to see what was up. As seniors, Im working through college apps and applying to Christian colleges. In a year, all my efforts are going to be poured into getting ready for full time ministry-either in the pastorate or in a seminary teaching/research job. And as I prayed, these words came out of my mouth, Lord, this is an impossible task. When youre confronted by the task the Lord lays before you, how do you respond? Theres no way I can address every single atheistic argument, or can respond to every error in the household of faith among my brothers and sisters (or even identify all my own flaws for that matter). Theres no way I can one-hundred percent consistently live the Gospel I love. Theres no way I can win everyone (or anyone!) to follow the Lord I love. Theres no way I can love my friends the way Im supposed to. Theres no way I can consistently pour myself into others, to give myself to other people instead of being selfish. Theres no way I can perfectly emulate this Lord. Theres no way I can live the Christian life...that is, apart from Gods grace. I think its become somewhat of a catch-phrase among Christians to say yeah by Gods grace, I did X. Its a true statement-we cannot do anything apart from Gods grace. But what does that statement really mean? What is Gods grace? Simply put, grace is Gods unmerited, undeserved favor that he bestows upon people. Its Gods active kindness towards completely undeserving rebel sinners. It is Gods power being perfectly displayed in our weakness. Which means that whenever we say I did X by Gods grace-its a glorious thing to say. But we must mean, with the apostle Paul, by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. (1 Corinthians 15:10 ESV) Yet not I, but the grace of God that is with me. The reason I can look at the task before me is because of the assurance of Gods grace-both past, present, and future. I look at the Cross, and see the crucified Savior calling his people by name, dying for them, bearing the just wrath of God due them, and reconciling God to sinful man. I see grace in the present, as Im breathing and as I type this status, as I walk with the Lord, as I can pick up the word of God and have total confidence in its veracity. And I look to future grace, knowing that He who began a good work in me will see it through to completion. The Lord is a light to those who are burdened. He takes the burdens of the weak on himself at the Cross. And at present, His power is made perfect in our weakness. In other words, the Lords might is made known when his people accomplish seemingly impossible things in his name-because in and of ourselves, we couldve never accomplished anything. Where can peace be found in the midst of adversity? In Christ. Where can strength be found when the people of God have none? In Christ. Where can you center yourself in the storms of life, when everything piles up on you all at once, and your small boat is nearly overturned by the violent wind and waves? In Christ. In the One who walks on the waters, who commands the seas, who frames the stars above, who sovereignly sustains nature, who paints beauty upon His canvas of creation. Where do you turn to find a wonderful love, that quiets you and fills you, that satisfies the deepest longings of the human heart? To Jesus Christ. In Him you find infinite joy, because in Him you find the infinite God fully revealed. He will have you. He will carry you. He will lead you. He is a wonderful Shepherd. He is a wonderful King. He is God. Trust him, and He will lead you, and you will find infinite joy in the infinite love of the infinite God. An eternity spend in the arms of our Creator. Come, and He will give you rest. Turn from your efforts and cast yourself on Him. Turn from your strength, and let His power be made perfectly manifest in your weakness. Taste and see that this God is good!
Posted on: Sat, 04 Oct 2014 23:57:51 +0000
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