I was going through a breakup at Thanksgiving. I was committing emotional hara-kiri at Christmas. New Years got a little better because K and I were talking again. Then, my daughter’s birthday & my birthday happened last week and both were PERFECTLY boring, calming, & grounding… which is exactly what I needed. So, THIS WEEK is when I begin my new year’s resolutions. None of them are new. None of them are impressive. I’m still going to be chubby in 2015. I’m still going to eat unhealthy food & chug Mountain Dew. I’m still not going to run a marathon, start meditating, or be more spiritual. I’m still not going to give a rat’s ass about any of those things. Instead, I’m going to complete the things I’ve been meaning to complete in years past. I’m going to uncrumple the lists I already had. I’m going to not let 2012, 2013, & 2014’s goals go unchecked. I already know what I want in life. I already know what I need to do to get there. I already know what I suck at, where I need to change, & how to accomplish everything I’ve been talking about since many of you have known me. Hell, I’ve even already written it all down & have said it aloud. I just haven’t been doing it because work was more fun, love was more rewarding, or procrastination was more accessible. But right now my job is good, my kids are great, & the things I’ve done for the past 1095 days that WEREN’T resolution items have made my core items very stable. More stable than they’ve been in years. I see it. I acknowledge it. I appreciate it. And I am thankful that I’ve been sidetracked in such good ways. Every wasted minute wasn’t a waste at all in retrospect. Right now I’m better off for having gone off course! So, 2015 is the year for me to do the less critical stuff. The things that I want to do versus need to do. The things that make me feel good, smart, & talented. The things I can gloat about. The things that stay around even after I am gone. The things that have always taken a backseat to my beautiful daughters, my beautiful (ex) girlfriend, or my beautiful work projects. Not that I am going to push those things aside, but I am going to figure out how to accomplish them simultaneously. As much as I hate it & am not good at it, I am going to multi-task. I’m trying to be happy. I’m trying to stay aware of how good I have it. I’m trying to always remember where I have come from, who I have to thank, & where I would be without all of the people I have benefited from even if they’re no longer in the picture. It is hard. Very hard. But, I think that’s why I need to get my own rebounds this year. To shore myself up a little bit. Hopefully none of you ever call me, message me, text me, or show up at my door & get me all distracted again.
Posted on: Sun, 11 Jan 2015 17:32:32 +0000
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