I was going through my albums on my iPhone and I came across this song. I was listening to this and I started thinking about how life would have been had things worked out between Justice and I--we both would have matured a great deal. I started thinking if we would have gotten back together. I dont know. I know we had this connection. I know he told me things that he never told anyone, and shared things with me that he never shared with anyone, especially the way he was going to die which still freaks me out. But as I talked to myself through this song, and cried as well, I realized I wasnt crying the same tears I cried in the past. Its been almost 5 years since his death (April will make 5), and I think I have finally accepted that hes never coming back. You see it was easy for me to think that he was away--locked up away--because hes been locked up since I was 17 (we met when I was 16 when I was still in high school and he wasnt locked up), but we were broken up (long story). We got back together in 2003 and we were both happy. But he literally told me about how he had a dream about the way he was going to die while we were on a visit and he was bothered by it. He told me things surrounding it even days after, which is weird. He will always be special to me. I would have given up everything for him. We talked about our life together. Hes the reason I started cooking and wanting to do house thing. But yes, this song reminded me of him. I remember this handkerchief he made for me but I got mad and cut it up with scissors. Im still upset about that. But, Im happy that Im not crying the same tears, those mourning tears. I dont know what this called but Im feeling good. I think I have actually accepted that hes not locked up and hes not coming back.
Posted on: Thu, 22 Jan 2015 04:51:11 +0000
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